“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

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Saturday, March 11, 2017

Losing The Loss

It is going to be very hard initially —you will feel broken, hurt and in pain. You'll cry, at times you might not breathe. It will haunt you, over again. And you won't believe for quite a time that something unfortunate has happened to you. That you’ve been robbed of what you thought you would die without. You'll just console yourself telling you'll get it back. You might not. You'll lose sleep, hunger, desire, your mind –basically everything.

But, slowly you'll heal. You'll stop crying, you'll get out of bed and function. You'll realize how you've been crying all these days, how hard was that. You'll start believing what has happened, you'll feel the hurt as you’ll attempt to accept. You'll know things changed and you have to make some changes too. Eventually, you’ll get what you’ve lost in some other form. It is never going to be same, never –but it is so comforting to believe that whatever you’ll get might be better.

You'll stop waiting, you'll start creating. You’ll have this ample source of developing what you been looking for. You'll know recovery is a slow process and how seasons changed, so does your wounds. You'll come out stronger, you'll know how to survive the loss. You'll start loving yourself again, for being the person you've become and for the person who took it all so bravely, still didn't give up completely. 

So, don't jump your guns. Endure the pain and chaos, you'll heal. You'll not be lost for words when people will ask how are you? And you'll be okay if no one asks. There's a difference between lonely and being alone. You’ll not feel lonely, you might be alone and it will be all your choice –happy choice. Your anxieties will give up one day, eventually they have to. After all, everything comes to an end –your pleasures, so does your pain. Anticipate its arrival, celebrate that is going to happen and nothing in this world or any parallel universe could stop its occurrence. 

Emit the energy you expect from others, behave and treat the way you want to be treated back. There are two ways of recovery and healing –find someone who could understand you, comfort you and fix you. Or be the one who understands, comforts and fixes –just find an aching soul, attempt to fix. Don’t get doomed by the idea of outcome. It is always better to attempt than sitting back and expecting something to happen. 

If you’re fighting depression, anxiety, negative outlook about anything then remember this –there’s a way out and no one else can do it better than you. If you feel suicidal, remember it is because of all the great possessions you were blessed with. Don’t repent about its decay, loss or absence –feel content that you had it once, rather invest energy in re-creation. 

Listen up, don’t give up yet. You know, you can give up anytime you want –delay giving up as much as you can. Even if you gave up, you could start again –it might take twice the efforts but you certainly can start. They say –When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump. Otherwise, you end up staying in the same place your whole life. So go on, jump –make it happen. Live the life you’ve imagined, find what thrills you and thrive onto that.

And one fine day, when you’ll have a flashback –you’ll know you’ve made it. There will be no monsters haunting you, no shadows chasing you and you’ll be surrounded by light. You’ll know how stupid that constant thought and urge of giving up was! You’ll know, how certain loss was the driving force that made you such a warrior. There will be chinks in your armor and they’ll only mean you showed up and fought –regardless the triumph or loss. If concept of loss persists so much, lose what needs to be lost. Love yourself, if you won't who else will? Live! Signing out, may God bless y'all. 

P.S. Be still my heart; thou hast known worse than this. –Homer