“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

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Saturday, May 7, 2016

Origami

Sometimes, the more I know about people the more I tend to write. The more I write, the more I find peace. Writing is such an addiction –I write almost all the time. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of sleep and write in my phone. Sometimes, on my way to office. Basically, I write anytime a thought hits me and it is kind of annoying if can’t write it down. Sometimes, you don’t find words and that’s when you feel not everything can be explained. If I write about something, I have already thought about it hundred times. I still would have written less as compared to what I thought, it is just you can’t shut your mind off. It is one damn thing that is on all the time. Another reason why I love Sylvia Plath, love her to the moon and back.

I realized, sometimes you don’t have to tell things to people. Sometimes, it is not a good idea to tell. Rather write it down on paper and burn it down. Write it down and fold it into Origami, let someone unwrap it with their will to know. Write on a piece of paper, fold it in a paper airplane and fly it away or simply tell it to your pets. You’ll be maniac if you choose to tell it to God, God is a good listener –He’s drunk, anyway. I don’t know, I don’t like setting my expectations on people. It always lets you down, always. When I want a listener, they just don’t listen –they compare too. I dislike that.

I stopped giving nicknames to people, nicknames symbolize affection. Once you give them nicknames, you authorize them for more affection. I don’t like somebody giving me nicknames either. I am basically kind of demolishing anything that shows affection, anything that symbolizes it. In a way, turning cold. Closeness is scary and I do anything to avoid it. I shut people off who show care, for me it is threat –like one day they will ask things in return. I stopped sharing my blog link on Facebook or anywhere, I want it to be private. Maybe soon, my blog will no longer be public. It will be private or maybe just 2, 3 authors will have access to it.

I know, people don’t comment on my blog but few have subscribed. They read, regularly. They tell me and ask me about it. Some send me emails, about becoming the ghost writer. Some email me about writing contest they are organizing, some ask me to authorize them to write in my space. But point is, I never supported ads on my page and never will. I never did commercial writing, I believe it will lose the value then. I never used AdSense and never will. Money, is many things –not everything. Every time I am on Blogger –I either write, adjust my template, reply to the comments or read other blogs.

October 2015, I wrote a post called “Luca” for TOI, it was rejected. I don’t know, what rejected authors do. They are still beautiful people, I want to meet more rejected authors. I want to know, how rejections inspire or break them. I wrote about it, in December 2015 and hid that piece of paper under my mattress which I found later in February 2016 and laughed. I then realized, setbacks look more painful when they are fresh. But later you’re gonna laugh over them and tell stories to your kids. Rejections are such nice compilation of stories someone’s gonna hear someday. If they don’t listen your setback stories, don’t invite them to your success parties.

Why I believe in writing on a piece of paper and folding it into an Origami is –you are gonna unfold it someday and go back in time to realize things, good things and bad things. Sometimes, it is nice to know what you’ve been through. You are warrior of your own story and nobody can take that title away. I always write things on tissue paper, draw things. You’ll always find something written at the back of every note book I own. My signature, incomplete lines, lines from song that I sung while writing, idioms, unusual words, one word made from two words like –chill + relax =chillax, fantastic + fabulous = fantabulous, mad + angry =mangry etc. You will find, lot of papers under my mattress. Lots! When I clean, I unfold them, read them and hide them somewhere again. I am home, I just saw my Diary from college. Oh, I was so naïve. I am reading my own diary these days. I am carrying my Diary this time with me. Signing out, may God bless y’all. 

P.S. Written on May 5, 2016, posting today. No internet connectivity.

6 comments:

  1. :) A warm post..this reminds me of an old school incident..class 9..a self written poem homework exercise..after submission,the written remark I got on that page of that copy is till date my most cherished memory..the remark-"Not Your Work,Copied"..and in marks a big zero with red ink striking out the poem..I hope I had saved that copy or that page now..but perhaps it's better to not to cling to materialistic things..one day they will perish,decay,get lost etc..I dislike collecting anything,photographs etc..memory is the best cupboard..gone through many of the dilemmas u mentioned in the post..like keeping blog pvt or public etc...commercialization of writing etc..these are difficult decisions..you have went on to write so much longer than me..I too write sometimes at middle of the night..and then suddenly tear away that paper to shreds..and agreed,closeness is scary..people become expectant,almost demainding..far too many judgements and the games people play go on..a nice post to read..sorry again for this essay..sometimes I feel just like that paper that can be torn instantaneously to shreds,the electronic word should also have that facility.

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    1. :) Whatever you write, don't delete it or tear it off. Just keep writing. :)

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  2. Beautiful write-up....straight from the heart....you echo many of my thoughts too.....Rejections hurt, but only when they are 'fresh' as you rightly point out.....thoughts on folded papers that you will unfold one day....I miss that terribly getting more attached to typing these days....but I do recognize that feeling.....:)....have been there done that....:)

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    1. :) When a reader can relate to my write ups, that is one of best feelings. Nice to know I echo your thoughts, thanks for stopping by.

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  3. Beautiful post, I never knew there was such a strong meaning to origami, I've always just looked at it and thought it was just visually significant.

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    1. :) words and thoughts always add more value. Thanks for stopping by.

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