“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

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Friday, October 30, 2015

Faces And Beyond

I have seen, known and been with people who look quite peaceful. They look simple and cute, like so adoring. Bushy eyebrows, smiling face, an ease that we all demand, in pictures they look so innocent. But, they turn out to be just opposite at times. I used to get an idea about people by what they look like, appearance is the word. I was never confident about people with piercings and thin eyebrows. I don't know, in my mind I had a stereotype that such people couldn't be nice or if they could be why to take risk. 

But, when I read about such people and know their thoughts and find them reflecting my world, they don't seem scary. I somehow restore the belief, world is not that bad. Risk; that is what we should take sometimes. Currently, I am trying the other way. I am trying to break every stereotype I know. Live beyond it and see if life could make more sense. That's so natural to choose things that are simple, we are so fragile that we want things easy. Complications scare us and we do anything to avoid it. I have been thinking a lot these days. All this goes on loop all day long. I can sense thinking in sleep too. 

Sometimes, I want to stop thinking but that becomes involuntary. Like now, when I am writing this. I should be sleeping, but I can’t till I publish this on my blog. So, “if” someone calls me cute, it scares me a little. First, it's my habit to doubt a compliment. If someone's nice to me, I calculate all the permutations and combinations of why someone's being nice. I think of reasons till I find one or manufacture one in my mind. I will be restless, till I get one or something that makes me believe; why. 

I always knew am not easy, I am complicated. What I have decided is to be more nice with people, be warm to them, understand them better and see if that makes difference. I don’t know, I have protected myself from some unknown threat, but that's not how one should live. There will always be threat, risk, fear and so many things we don’t want. But that’s all there ‘cause we’re alive. “That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt” –John Green, The Fault In Our Stars; remember?

I know, there are people in this world who don't want to reveal their true self to everyone. They wear something and behave so hard and cold from outside, maybe that's their defense mechanism; but they are so beautiful and warm at heart that you feel like healing when you are around them. Such people exist –if we can't find one, we can always be one. Gift could be having someone who asks you gifts. :)

Monday, October 26, 2015

Perpetual Freedom

"But, people carry a baggage that weighs them down –and they look for freedom around like someone wishes to find a four-leaf clover, accidentally. They have idiosyncratic beliefs, they often feel poignancy and experience a deep sense of slavery. They validate others and let others validate them. When the validation wasn’t through, they feel a strong desire of resignation, withdrawal from human connection and all social dogmas. 

Disappearance and disconnecting from external world becomes necessity and they dump themselves in isolation like something being absorbed by black hole. They become elusive, like they are ricocheting somewhere in between. They lose capability of affection even for those who never validate them. Nothing makes sense and they stop deriving meaning from things. They feel like an unknown mass with no gravity, floating in an unknown universe or multiverse. 

They want to be nothing and prolong for being nothing, belonging nowhere. Concept of freedom is quite misleading, it has nothing to do with anything that is visible. It is all about some intangible, abstract thing that goes on in the mind when they wake up in the middle of sleep around 3 in morning. Put hands at back of the head and stare at the empty corners of roof, think of all the possible enigmatic sorrows. Like that is the only way for existence and they nourish their sorrows as if they miss the comfort of being sad. 

Perpetual sadness is where they find their lost self and gain affection towards others reflecting the same world. Happiness becomes so scary that they repel the idea of happiness. Freedom of mind and soul is what makes you free from all the worldly notions. People need mental floss. Slavery of mind is source of poignancy. Mind is like the isotope of both –immense pleasure and deepest sorrow."