Well, people have mouth and they will talk. You gotta hold your head high and live the way you want. Sometimes, you gotta let things go –nice things too. They ain’t good enough to hold on to. Sometimes, you like a part of something and rest of it makes you feel no good. Letting go is never giving up, I never want to give up and want to be a reason for people to look up to me and say –you the reason I am not giving up, little kids especially.
At times you know something is not right and you don’t know how long it is gonna take to be fine. You just keep it normal. You go to work, meet people. Talk like always, and they never guess if something is wrong. You just lose focus, that thing is still there but you are too engaged in things to think about that. I like being busy. But when you go back home, you realize it is still going on and not over yet, it is like anesthesia –you can’t feel for a while but when you gain senses you go like –damn, this is gonna hurt.
I don’t know but I feel money makes you stupid. A year back, I used to visit home twice a year. I was making less money then but I was wiser than I am today. I used to save and when I find a good balance, I used to fly back home and buy gifts. I even did cost cutting and never regretted that. Now, I can fly back home any goddamn day but I keep postponing. I think nothing to worry, I will go any day I want and it is going to be a year in October –I don’t know what the weather there is. Oh, and I am so obstinate –I want my mom dad to come here and am angry they not coming. I miss them.
Some people are always nice to you, no matter what and when you realize you were not that nice to them –you wonder why they are nice? And I sometimes think like, it is okay some people ain’t nice to me too. Remember that song –Carry On by Nate Ruess, Fun: “But I like to think, I can cheat it all to make up for the times, I've been cheated on..” I know that’s stupid, but okay –you have to be stupid at times to look back and laugh at. Ain’t it? P.S. I changed my blog name from Carté Blanche to Blue Ink. I lost a follower too, ouch! Signing out, may God bless y’all. :)