Monday, July 27, 2015
Fine, May Be
Hey.. Peeps.. :) I guess fine is the word, overrated. Not every time you say you’re fine, you actually are. I can’t define well what fine is, sometimes fine is feeling a little low and knowing it will be okay. Sometimes, it’s feeling horrible but not trusting anyone enough to tell. But then what went wrong, what’s not fine? Eventually, things get fine –I don’t know how accurate is this, but things are never same all the time –be it anything. They say: “both shall pass” and it’s enough to make you smile or worry.
I have been doing fine; here I mean I am in my normal routine. Yesterday I was alone, no roomies. I couldn’t sleep, I was scared of dark and I can’t sleep with the lights on. So I took out last year’s Christmas lights and turned them on, I wasn’t seeking any help and I wanted to be sure I can deal with this, I did. I was trying to write “brave” with the lights but it went to messy. Then I got a fleeting thought, Gawd how am I gonna live alone.
I mean, last month I was so done with sharing room with roomies
(I am particular about things at times I behave like I have an OCD) that
I searched for independent flat for rent and bookmarked them, but I never
called the agent to take it further. I don’t
know what’s stopping me. I always wished to live alone, my way with lots of
pets. But then, at times am scared when lights are off. I remember, at my home
I used to turn off the lights downstairs and run upstairs as if am a rocket. I
slept around 5:30 in morning.