“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

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Friday, December 18, 2015

Jump?

“I don’t know what it feels like before the jump, knowing it is the final fall and you could fall no further. There must be comfort in knowing you could fall no further, but I can imagine how hard it must be to find that comfort. To travel the untrodden path and to be just free, feeling nothing else –not belonging to any universe and cut cords from worldly notions. To conceive such thought and keep in your mind involves lot of suffering.”





















I’ve been walking on the one way street;
sky is dark and you can walk along,
I’ve burned down my bridges to home;
know now this is where I belong.

My forgotten insignificant details;
like my fear of speed and heights,
my tear-stained old blue dress;
blood shot eyes and my love for nights.

It’s been loud in my head but I don’t talk;
faded vignettes crushing my mind,
watch me laugh throwing my head back;
I hide when am crashing to whine,
found my comfort in sadness;
know everything I want is fate resigned.

Am here after dark ‘cause Sun rays stab my eyes;
should I jump? for the final fall, fly to my paradise.

I’ve been tired for so long now;
failed enough so I carry on,
each failure stares back at me;
like they were never gone.

A scar right next to my heart;
my love-stained skin, remember?
that gold chain around my neck;
winter, mid-December.

It’s been loud in my head but I don’t talk;
faded vignettes crushing my mind,
watch me laugh throwing my head back;
I hide when am crashing to whine,
found my comfort in sadness;
know everything I want is fate resigned.

Am here after dark ‘cause Sun rays stab my eyes;
should I jump? for the final fall, fly to my paradise.

© Shreya ♥

P.S. My creation, please do not copy | Copyright © Protected | Image: Google

Monday, November 23, 2015

I Need To Stop

Couple of days back, while in bed sleepless I had a deep thought or deeper than I should. Thought about things like how I am with people –in front of them or when they are not, about procrastination, about sleeping odd hours, about skipping meals, worrying about something unfortunate if someone close is traveling, not speaking up when I should, giving too much to people who don’t deserve, expectations, giving up when I might be so close to the goal.

I need to stop –my fear of height and speed, my belief that people of my age understand and are mature enough, my thinking of things missing in my life rather counting my blessings, comparison, heart sickening thoughts of how people close to me would die, how people I will meet or met could be harmful, helping those who only gave me excuses, being rude to people who have nothing to do with it –I mean, why to upset people who have nothing to do for what am upset about; but anger and irritation is such a thing –it reduces the power of your thoughts to decide.

Whatever we are up to, just reflects in our actions. A warm person will rarely make anyone feel bad, rather comfort someone cold and offer everything he can. I hate the fact that I have reduced writing and reading. Honestly, I feel stupid. Imma buy a color book and crayons and just color whenever I am not feeling good. I like being busy, I like having things to do, I like seeing my calendar and knowing there’s something to do. Dealing with deciding what to do is annoying sometimes when you have limited options and yet not a single idea hits the mind.

Sometimes, you just wanna go somewhere and people you know aren’t ready to accompany you. That’s when I start to think, why the hell I need people? Sometimes, I think –no, that’s not why I know them. It’s okay if they don’t wanna go. You just can’t force people, and begging is really not being me. I drop that and miss the way I wanted to go to that place.

Yes, I do say no to places I don’t wanna go and so other people have their own choices. I gotta respect that, but honestly I hate when I get a no. I mean who doesn’t wanna go to this place called explorium. Ya, it’s a kids place so? I am God’s kid. Bleh! I hate even more when I am dressed up and they cancel, like what? Make it happen or I am gonna be so mad. I was thinking all this and may be speaking all this to myself too. I don’t tell all these and that’s why I write.

When I tell, I want them to listen and understand. I hate when I am interrupted by irrelevant topics or when someone else jumps in with their story and suddenly the focus is on them and I become like I don’t exist, I hate it even more when people stick their heads in phone and skip what I just said. I feel like, hello am not just moving my mouth –I am actually taking with a voice. Manners are not common, I tell you. And when they realize I was telling something, they say yeah what you were saying –I never repeat, that’s my rule. I just drop that topic. In my mind, I have just murdered them for making me so mad.

I am a good listener, I really listen and wait for them to finish. That’s why sometimes I forget what I was going to say. That’s why people tell me things and when I fail to understand they go mad. Knowing people and understanding them makes them think like I have to understand else it’s an offence to them. Suddenly I become a bad person. Hello, I don't have a user manual or handbook. I have started to believe –not everyone you lose is a loss. I have promised myself, every time someone pisses me off -I am just gonna have an ice-cream. Next time you see me having ice-cream, ask me who pissed me off. Maybe join me in the conspiracy to murder them, literally. When I say murder, I mean make them realize what they did wrong. 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Language Of Sarcasm

I know many people who express things straight as they are. They don’t mix it up or wrap it up with something else. They keep things easy and clean, I am not one of them. Maybe those people have got best of people around to keep things simple or they really don’t give a damn about people. I use difficult unusual words to keep it hidden for longest time possible, I don’t want people to know what am up to. 

I don’t like if someone guesses something is wrong with me. I switch topics, I focus it on the one am talking to. I don’t manipulate any information or detail. If I tell anything, it will be true and appropriate to my knowledge else I won’t tell or skip it somehow. I don’t really prefer putting sad status if something is bothering me. You put sad status, people get nosy. They find gossip there, they even may take screen shot of it and discuss in their own little group of a kind. Sure, people who talk to me; talk about me.

It is disappointing to count on people to get you. I love sarcasm and there is comfort there. Sarcasm is escape. Remember, George Bernard Shaw? Go away if you don’t and why did I reference him. Some people like drama, but sarcasm is really my type. Drama is like shooting someone in head, sarcasm is happily making them poisoning their own tea. I rather put things in gibberish or letters or codes of my own. I love my privacy and I dislike people who disrespect it and I will do anything to protect it. 

Some people say they like that I am being myself –then those people say they don’t like something in me and literally demand a change. What they think I am, ping pong ball so they can hit me from both sides? Thing is am not fond of being with people who approve me, and make me feel like they did a favor. You, Sir can keep that favor in your pocket and learn some fair sales techniques. 

At times you reach the threshold of tolerating things and then you don’t fear a thing. You care a damn about the consequences, you just got a baggage and you want it off you. Then it gets you like, God you should have done it before when it hit your mind first but you let it go to the oblivion as some meaningless stupid thought. 

I don’t know, it is always disappointing to expect people to understand you. They never will exactly the way you want it to. That’s why I write about it –in my phone and on this blog. Sometimes while reading a really happy comforting line, you really wanna cheat all the unpleasant thoughts and get out of your mind. But, is there a way outta mind? Remember, Sylvia Plath talking about it? I love her Unabridged Journals and everything about it. 

Writing calms me down, like there happens to be a sudden drop of anxiety and anger. Sometimes, when you are out of options and do what you find best to do –you find a weird sense of missing something that’s not gone, but something that you know is not gonna happen ‘cause you had that in your mind ever since. Remember, Margaret Atwood? Love her. 

Sometimes, telling your thoughts or how you feel about a certain thing to people is like –telling a stupid person a joke but you have to repeat and break it down into literal meaning ‘cause they don’t get it and then the joke loses its essence, you feel like why did you even tell a joke and literally want an “undo” button and “save changes”. I guess, I am never gonna stop wondering things about people. Is there some field of study that deals with people? Perhaps! 

Friday, October 30, 2015

Faces And Beyond

I have seen, known and been with people who look quite peaceful. They look simple and cute, like so adoring. Bushy eyebrows, smiling face, an ease that we all demand, in pictures they look so innocent. But, they turn out to be just opposite at times. I used to get an idea about people by what they look like, appearance is the word. I was never confident about people with piercings and thin eyebrows. I don't know, in my mind I had a stereotype that such people couldn't be nice or if they could be why to take risk. 

But, when I read about such people and know their thoughts and find them reflecting my world, they don't seem scary. I somehow restore the belief, world is not that bad. Risk; that is what we should take sometimes. Currently, I am trying the other way. I am trying to break every stereotype I know. Live beyond it and see if life could make more sense. That's so natural to choose things that are simple, we are so fragile that we want things easy. Complications scare us and we do anything to avoid it. I have been thinking a lot these days. All this goes on loop all day long. I can sense thinking in sleep too. 

Sometimes, I want to stop thinking but that becomes involuntary. Like now, when I am writing this. I should be sleeping, but I can’t till I publish this on my blog. So, “if” someone calls me cute, it scares me a little. First, it's my habit to doubt a compliment. If someone's nice to me, I calculate all the permutations and combinations of why someone's being nice. I think of reasons till I find one or manufacture one in my mind. I will be restless, till I get one or something that makes me believe; why. 

I always knew am not easy, I am complicated. What I have decided is to be more nice with people, be warm to them, understand them better and see if that makes difference. I don’t know, I have protected myself from some unknown threat, but that's not how one should live. There will always be threat, risk, fear and so many things we don’t want. But that’s all there ‘cause we’re alive. “That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt” –John Green, The Fault In Our Stars; remember?

I know, there are people in this world who don't want to reveal their true self to everyone. They wear something and behave so hard and cold from outside, maybe that's their defense mechanism; but they are so beautiful and warm at heart that you feel like healing when you are around them. Such people exist –if we can't find one, we can always be one. Gift could be having someone who asks you gifts. :)

Monday, October 26, 2015

Perpetual Freedom

"But, people carry a baggage that weighs them down –and they look for freedom around like someone wishes to find a four-leaf clover, accidentally. They have idiosyncratic beliefs, they often feel poignancy and experience a deep sense of slavery. They validate others and let others validate them. When the validation wasn’t through, they feel a strong desire of resignation, withdrawal from human connection and all social dogmas. 

Disappearance and disconnecting from external world becomes necessity and they dump themselves in isolation like something being absorbed by black hole. They become elusive, like they are ricocheting somewhere in between. They lose capability of affection even for those who never validate them. Nothing makes sense and they stop deriving meaning from things. They feel like an unknown mass with no gravity, floating in an unknown universe or multiverse. 

They want to be nothing and prolong for being nothing, belonging nowhere. Concept of freedom is quite misleading, it has nothing to do with anything that is visible. It is all about some intangible, abstract thing that goes on in the mind when they wake up in the middle of sleep around 3 in morning. Put hands at back of the head and stare at the empty corners of roof, think of all the possible enigmatic sorrows. Like that is the only way for existence and they nourish their sorrows as if they miss the comfort of being sad. 

Perpetual sadness is where they find their lost self and gain affection towards others reflecting the same world. Happiness becomes so scary that they repel the idea of happiness. Freedom of mind and soul is what makes you free from all the worldly notions. People need mental floss. Slavery of mind is source of poignancy. Mind is like the isotope of both –immense pleasure and deepest sorrow."

Monday, September 28, 2015

Against The Odds

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Am never gonna be extra nice to anyone while first meet or whenever. I don't want to create an extra nice image and then break it, obviously 'cause I can't act forever and then recreate another image leaving them confused which one actually I am. I will just be myself, I understood there is no need to be what you are not. Well, I actually am most of the times myself. If you are used to saying F words, say it. Don't omit 'cause you want them to think nice about you. It's obvious, people judge and might think that if in first meet someone's using F word, they could be criminal in real. That's okay, we gotta start to break the stereotype. We gotta be brave to let things go.

The world is already damaged, let's not pretend and make it any worse. Let's be nice to one another and let's help each other get over what they're unable to let go. Strength means different to different people. It could be getting off bed, getting dressed and showing up at work ignoring any physical or mental illness. It could be taking a cold call from someone. It could be giving all your favorite toys to others. It could be fond of stuffed animal toys in your 20s, no matter if people think you’re immature. It could be breaking down in public over a sad memory when you’re known for your brave image. It could be skipping your favorite meal 'cause other things require more attention.

It could be cancelling your trip or making a trip out of blue 'cause you care. It could be to continue being nice even when it is unnoticed. It could be being insomniac from ages and still pray good night and try. It could be having series of nightmares and still not giving up to sleep. It could be trying again even when you've broken all the records of failure. It could be anything that's small or big. Do whatever, keep your intentions nice and clear. Never doubt yourself. About revenge, do it without harming. You wanna kill, kill the thoughts they have got wrong about you. It's all about mind, it is all there.

Every time, thoughts of giving up cloud up your mind just remember this –somewhere, someone doesn’t wanna give up ‘cause they look up to you. Someone is completely crazy about you, for what you are –despite any odds. Always is a long time, let’s be reasonable. Promise and give all of you to live up to that. There’s always a way and you gotta find that.


Never give up, you wanna give up –give up the thoughts of giving up. You never actually have time, there’s no good or bad time to start. If you’ve got something, its “now”. And be blessed for that breath you just took. If you’re reading this, recall one thing that you’ve been blessed with. C’mon, don’t say you don’t have one. Yes, that one thing. Now, you gotta protect it. Why am so stubborn about giving up is, giving up feels like sickness and is an obvious symbol of incomplete actions. Fight agianst the odds, doesn't matter you won or lost. Don’t leave things in between. Have dreams, protect it and make it happen. Live! Signing out, may God bless y’all. :)

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Breaking The Writer's Block

Hey.. Peeps.. :) It’s nice to have people asking what happened, why you stopped posting blog. They ask when you are writing next, I thought nobody gives a damn for what I write but then few people write me back and say –hey, when is next post coming. Sometimes, it is enough to keep me going. I don’t know, at times I want to make my blog private so only I can see and no one else. Sometimes, I regret telling to people about my blog –those people who don’t understand a thing and find me bragging. But then, I always believed –there’s no regret; you either do or don’t. I chose to do. Well, I am writing this post to get over that "writer's block" phase.

Well, people have mouth and they will talk. You gotta hold your head high and live the way you want. Sometimes, you gotta let things go –nice things too. They ain’t good enough to hold on to. Sometimes, you like a part of something and rest of it makes you feel no good. Letting go is never giving up, I never want to give up and want to be a reason for people to look up to me and say –you the reason I am not giving up, little kids especially. 

At times you know something is not right and you don’t know how long it is gonna take to be fine. You just keep it normal. You go to work, meet people. Talk like always, and they never guess if something is wrong. You just lose focus, that thing is still there but you are too engaged in things to think about that. I like being busy. But when you go back home, you realize it is still going on and not over yet, it is like anesthesia –you can’t feel for a while but when you gain senses you go like –damn, this is gonna hurt.

I don’t know but I feel money makes you stupid.  A year back, I used to visit home twice a year. I was making less money then but I was wiser than I am today. I used to save and when I find a good balance, I used to fly back home and buy gifts. I even did cost cutting and never regretted that. Now, I can fly back home any goddamn day but I keep postponing. I think nothing to worry, I will go any day I want and it is going to be a year in October –I don’t know what the weather there is. Oh, and I am so obstinate –I want my mom dad to come here and am angry they not coming. I miss them.

Some people are always nice to you, no matter what and when you realize you were not that nice to them –you wonder why they are nice? And I sometimes think like, it is okay some people ain’t nice to me too. Remember that song –Carry On by Nate Ruess, Fun: “But I like to think, I can cheat it all to make up for the times, I've been cheated on..” I know that’s stupid, but okay –you have to be stupid at times to look back and laugh at. Ain’t it? P.S. I changed my blog name from Carté Blanche to Blue Ink. I lost a follower too, ouch! Signing out, may God bless y’all. :)

Monday, July 27, 2015

Fine, May Be

Hey.. Peeps.. :) I guess fine is the word, overrated. Not every time you say you’re fine, you actually are. I can’t define well what fine is, sometimes fine is feeling a little low and knowing it will be okay. Sometimes, it’s feeling horrible but not trusting anyone enough to tell. But then what went wrong, what’s not fine? Eventually, things get fine –I don’t know how accurate is this, but things are never same all the time –be it anything. They say: “both shall pass” and it’s enough to make you smile or worry.

I have been doing fine; here I mean I am in my normal routine. Yesterday I was alone, no roomies. I couldn’t sleep, I was scared of dark and I can’t sleep with the lights on. So I took out last year’s Christmas lights and turned them on, I wasn’t seeking any help and I wanted to be sure I can deal with this, I did. I was trying to write “brave” with the lights but it went to messy. Then I got a fleeting thought, Gawd how am I gonna live alone.

I mean, last month I was so done with sharing room with roomies (I am particular about things at times I behave like I have an OCD) that I searched for independent flat for rent and bookmarked them, but I never called the agent to take it further.  I don’t know what’s stopping me. I always wished to live alone, my way with lots of pets. But then, at times am scared when lights are off. I remember, at my home I used to turn off the lights downstairs and run upstairs as if am a rocket. I slept around 5:30 in morning.

I bought lucky bamboo plant last week, it is good to water it and watch it grow. I gotta, wind up here. My headache is horrible at this very moment. Damn, I am just so sick of this. Here, I go, feeling like throwing up. Signing out.. may God bless y’all.. :)

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Grey

Hey.. Peeps.. :) People say –they could be black or white but couldn’t be grey. They mean they could be anything but not the combination of black and white –anything that deals with mediocrity. I used to thing like that, I can be happy or sad –but I have realized I could be stoic too. Water could be hot or cold –it could be warm too. I believe, there is always a combination of two things and we experience them –often.

I have been grey a lot –lately. I guess, I always was grey. I used to over sleep or be insomniac for couple of days –but then I used to wake up around 2 or 3 a.m. out of nowhere –feeling thirsty, sometimes ‘cause of nightmares and couldn’t go back to sleep. I started using that time cutting articles, favorite images and quotes from newspaper. I had a (too many diaries) diary with all those quotes and articles I can’t forget, images which I can stare for long time. Oh, I got a dream catcher last week –a blue one. Here’s the pic.

Why I feel like grey, ‘cause I feel there’s nothing pure black or white. There has always been a hint of grey. Lisa Ling quoted –There's so much grey to every story –nothing is so black and white. And I like grey, I like it that way. You are never completely happy –there’s always something that bothers you a little –and trust me, we are alive till it is there. Then there’s Rebecca Solnit who quoted - There are infinite shades of grey. Writing often appears so black and white. I can’t deny that.

I have been like –either I will go or not and I never had other option in my mind. How fond we are of having options, but sometimes it is not easy. How about feeling like you want to go but can’t –that’s grey. I don’t know, I like this word grey now that I wanna ink it on me. But then, I feel like what if I get bored of seeing grey inked in blue over my wrist –you see, that’s grey am talking about.

I like travelling, I always planned to travel and explore world –places, people, language, flora and fauna and own a travel blog with zillion pictures. Earlier I couldn’t plan trips. Now I can, I have everything that’s required. Gawd knows what’s stopping me. Am I addicted to procrastination? Yes, I guess. I want to go visit kids in an orphanage –I shortlisted some nearby but honestly I postponed –Gawd knows why.

Over past weeks, I thought –may be you don’t need a group or bunch of people to plan trips. May be you just have to start and you will find them on way. Just pack your bags and get lost –come back with tan and pictures. Just get out of that damn room you’re locked into and wander. Tell stories and you’ll get audience. I am bad at figuring out maps and locating places –too bad. Bad at crossing roads and remembering the landmarks, it looks all same to me. But, someday I have to learn to be lost and be back home all by myself. 

We all are grey –I can eat little or too much but then I am always hungry for muffins and brownies. Grey better defines me. I hate some people, I like some people –but sometimes, I choose to ignore people. We choose grey when we don’t want too much of anything. We all lie in grey –like Earth is said to be in between Heaven and Hell. How could somebody possibly be not grey? There were few other thoughts about grey I had, which are lost to oblivion. Whatever I can recall are inked here. Be grey! Signing out.. may God bless y’all.. :)

Thursday, July 9, 2015

#LoveIsLove

Hey.. Peeps.. :) This post is dedicated to IndiBlogger’s IndiSpire #LoveIsLove campaign. I have always believed that we are one –despite what race, religion, caste, culture, gender, country, language, profession or sexual orientation we belong to. We belong to homo sapiens and that is enough to connect us as one. Every decaying organic matter in this universe is different and we should respect that. We are not mannequins after all to be treated the way others want to. You can’t please everyone, you’re not pizza.

There is no user guideline or user manual to live life which has fixed common parameters. Our choices define us but it gives nobody an authority to point finger for being the one you are. I believe –be the one you are when no one’s watching. Accept yourself the way you are and derive strength from it, we don’t need other’s validation to approve what we are.

As long as the question – “Will you/I accept it if one day your son/daughter announces that he/she is gay? How are you going to handle the situation?” is concerned –Yes, I will accept it without any apprehension. I respect everyone –whoever they are, all the people who are straight or came out as gay. I have always accepted people for whatever sexual orientation they possess. I don’t get it, why they even have to come out? Be happy for what you are –that’s what matters. I don’t understand, what’s there to handle if someone’s gay? Cyber bullying for someone being gay is lame, like –Omigod, he is gay! Next time you hear someone make a big deal for being gay, reply –so? and shrug it off.

There will always be bunch of people holding flags –protesting against it. You have nothing to do with them, you never had to. There are many other things to worry about than worrying about who is gay or who is not? I don’t understand; how it makes anyone bother –for individual sexual orientation. What’s there to be ashamed of? Love has no boundaries and if you find that in a human of same sex, that’s equally okay.

Some people like you and me, having a good job, good mind and body –lack to understand that everyone is free to be what they are. I dislike discrimination –any sort of. I dislike –when a bunch of people discriminate someone for something. Discrimination is not a sign of conscious mind and if you don’t have consciousness –you’re dead even before your death. There could be zillion reasons to celebrate –go celebrate now, for whoever you are. Accept yourself and live. Signing out.. may God bless y’all.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Gap

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Yes, I was gone for a long time –I know. Well, No excuses. Lot many thoughts just pass by and go missing in oblivion. Some make it to notes in my phone and some I ink here. Some still look for words to be expressed in and some I don’t mention as it may be weird and awkward. Well, sometimes am so fond of weird. Anyways, first half of the year is gone and I want another half to be great. So have decided to plan trips. Visited home last October and after that I only had reasons to postpone my trip. So, soon I will be posting pics from my trip.

May end was my birthday and God know why the heck there’s no post on that? Yes, as every year I have decided to quit one bad habit. Well, birthday was a good one. Sister sent me a nice cake from Mumbai –unexpected. Another cake was there from friends who planned my birthday and another one from my team at work. Thanks all, though I don’t like cake cutting and blowing off candles but I love the gesture of being loved and cared and best wishes. Oh, big news –my sister is moved to Bangalore with me. That’s a good thing happened to me this month, last Saturday. June best highlight was performer award at work. 

Sometimes you want things to happen soon, same way I waited for my sister to reach here. Train arrived at 8:50 a.m. IST at SBC station, I was there early. I don’t travel much by trains or I must say I don’t travel much. But being there at railway station was not bad, here’s the pic. We have been talking since Saturday. Went to local places and I found a kitten outside Shoppers Stop –a little girl selling tender coconuts, holding this kitten. I went like –aww, I want to play with it. I took it and got this pic. She will be there next weekend too in evening, and for sure I will visit again. Few things make you feel like 7 again –cartwheels, paper boats and cats are my favorite and these are sometimes enough to bring you back to normal.


Don't mind the pixels
Last year was great with few friends, this year is not. When we don’t say things or we say more than enough, we make things worse. Well, that’s another story and whatever happens, happens for a reason. Moving on is an art and not all can do. Everything we do should make sense, if not –be drunk. Sometimes you have much people who want you to be around, sometimes you want to be with few people. It is not great to know that you run out of time for some people and some people cast excuses when you expect their time. 

I don’t like people who approach me when they need help, people who borrow money and stuffs being so lame and then don’t return even after being reminded, people who post status on morals and do things that are totally immoral. I wish people were exactly same as they appear on social media. 

There’s always been a gap between things, events, people and stuffs that exist. Time's a bitch, you know. Sometimes, filling gaps is making things better and sometimes it is a bad attempt. They say, build bridges not walls but some people count their success by the walls they have built. The laurels of their success are so illusory that they can’t differentiate what’s wrong or right. Problem is people don’t know there’s a problem. Sometimes, while filling the gap you fall into it –that’s the tragedy. Signing out, may God bless y’all.. :)

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Trap

“Falling is so universal you know, sometimes for a while falling feels like flying. The deeper you fall, joyous the flight is. A perfect universal trap, isn’t it? It looks so easy and obvious. Once we fall, we are absorbed in it to another end like being absorbed by a black hole or being sucked in by a huge amount of vacuum. Well, we all are connected by vacuum. Love, is everything to say –everything we long for or everything we will long for. Sometimes, in my innocent opinion –love is a trap. Trap to fix things, complicate things, ease things, solve things and God knows what not. We are so destined to fall; I wonder sometimes when God plays Cupid and weaves a trap too. When was the last time God fell in love, or fell out of love? I have always believed I can never fall in love, never and that belief never fades away. Sometimes presence of people around me annoys me. Sometimes some people annoy me so much when they talk –I wish I can say, save your mouth from moving. I hate interference in my privacy and personal space. I hate being questioned where am going or why I was late. I don’t like being touched or any gesture to offer comfort. It is all a trap for me. I have always been cold –ice queen is the word for it. I hate insecurity, jealousy, and all such things. I hate closeness, I hate being favorite and I hate favors. I hate being overlooked, I don’t miss people –and am sure, love is all of these things I hate. Sometimes, I think I don’t need anyone to complete me. I hate birthday celebrations, cake cutting and gifts (unless those are books) and blowing off candles. I believe in randomness and like people who are random and positive. Sometimes, we are so trapped by our emotions and expectations that it destroys the inner peace. Sometimes, asking somebody if they slept well and had food on time is enough to bring them to life, sometimes all this is less to make any difference. Thing is, till we don’t want to be happy –we can’t be. Happiness is a mindset and I chose to be happy in any situation. Even if I am sad, I can manage it. It is like a defense mechanism and it works. I never regret and never will. Am strong and equally week when it comes to family, ‘cause I love my family. Damn, this love. You, see what it does. Some or other way we are part of synchronized trap and it goes on. I will always find reasons to be happy and will always feel better when I will see a puppy, a baby, a butterfly, a shooting star, a blooming bud and munching muffins.”

















It’s not long back though;
I told myself everything is fine,
you were dressed in black;
and I was stained in wine.

You’ve watched me laughing;
throwing my head back and clapping in air,
damn it was a Sunday night;
when you first saw me crying in despair.

You gave a white handkerchief;
and I broke down down down,
my head was on your shoulder;
there was no better place in town.

There’s always a trap honey;
eternal bliss to eternal woe,
you and I are chains of it;
no end and no beginning though.

Lionel Richie songs on loop;
Pablo Neruda on page,
every word dug a new wound;
and scars must be twice my age.

You’ve punched the walls as;
my words stabbed you like a dart,
you turn them back to me;
and tore apart my heart.

It rained and the clouds were black;
my hopes sank like a paper boat in rain,
I cried curled like an abandoned kitten in bed;
and it rained all over again. 

There’s always a trap honey;
you and I were caught same time,
you’ve had your own scars;
we are even as I’ve got mine. 

© Shreya ♥

P.S. My creation, please do not copy | Copyright © Protected | Image: Google

Thursday, May 7, 2015

The Ticket

“Mommy, how people beating up each other to death sorts the problem? They say something abusive, they push them back as reply, they punch in face, and they punch in face even harder, they bleed. It is just situation and that is why it happens. Imagine, if same two guys who were beating up each other met at a bar –they would have shared drinks, danced and became friends may be. I don’t understand how much it takes to understand to humankind –there is nothing worth a fight. It’s scary and aching to see people getting into a fight, bleeding and broken. I know one thing; people are not bad at heart. They feel pain and all other emotions. They’re just carried away with situations; they don’t know when to stop. They don’t know when it is too much. They don’t want to listen, don’t want to understand and don’t want to think sometimes –they are out of control. It means a lot in man’s world to sort out things by beating up, teaching a lesson and scaring people, not all –as exceptions are always there. But, how about talking and winning by words? How about correcting and helping each other correct the mistakes? We all are flawed, some are exposed and some are hidden deep. Whenever I see a child I smile; I believe a child shouldn't be scared to grow up. A child shouldn't be scared to know that grownups fight with real guns and they bleed like Caesar’s statue in Calpurnia’s dream when all the Romans bathed their hands in the fountain of Caesar’s blood. I wish grownups fight with toy guns and never bleed in fight. I wish grownups find partners in their enemies they could play with and tease them sticking tongue out. I wish somethings from the childhood didn't change and I wish for a ticket to that world where people cry of laughter than bleeding of fights.”

























Thinking of that day now;
things were bright in Sunlight,
it was a Monday morning;
world was turning into black and white.

Crossing the road back home;
clueless of what’s gonna happen,
I remember that scary fight;
and my friends were bleeding.

I was scared like a child hidden in curtain;
dressed in blue but all I can see was red,
I wished for the ticket to better world;
my friends fought and bled.

Remember two fingers turned into pistol,
toy bullet and that toy gun?
fake chasing and shooting;
we run and run and run.

Hush little baby;
this world is a scary place,
don’t grow up honey it’s a trap;
run to mommy and embrace.

Big people fight in blood;
depart and push the daisies,
I wished for the ticket to better world;
I was going down on my knees.

© Shreya

P.S. My creation, please do not copy | Copyright © Protected | Image: Google

P.P.S. Inspired by a true story.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

I Will Get You Wings

“Sometimes, we find comfort in summarizing things that are not so good about us. Somethings that you find not so charming and you’re not so proud of, you often hide. But there comes a damn time when you find somebody whom you assume will understand as they possess matching wavelengths and you begin to bare your soul to them. You remove every layer of fake expressions that you wear to protect yourself from getting exposed like you’ve been hiding your real identity. Like you’ve recognized another soul you’d like to cling to and you can bleed as long as you want. How fragile we are, in search of a soul to cling to. We’re never tired of asking, it only seems enough when you lose what you had. We kind of build this vicious circle around us that has center everywhere but we have got no idea of its circumference. How we need some soul to make us feel –things are fine, good is destined to happen. How existence of another soul gives you courage to continue being a decaying organic matter and not give up. How everything else becomes secondary and we find courage again to dream and pursue it. How you’re not scared of heartbreak again. How you begin to heal and how you reflect light and energy. How you get immune to physical pain. But falling is so universal, we can’t live without it. We fall, bleed, have scars, hide ‘em, stumble as if nothing happened, stand again and continue –that’s how we live. Falling is flying for a while –get your wings and fly. Fall and bleed, live!”
























Say something, you’re not alone;
honey, I know the scars you hide,
aches and scares you to the core;
tell me how bad it feels inside.

The lost desire of existence;
those failed attempts of departure,
makes you feel numb and;
I understand the agony and torture.

Believe, I will get you wings;
and one day you will fly,
let go of what pulls you down;
honey, you’re gonna own the sky.

Faded memories that stab you;
God, it makes you paralyze,
all the decisions that you regret;
you thought but weren’t wise.

You see the dark clouds;
yes you have to fly above,
there belongs your sky;
your pleasure and love.

Promise, I will get you wings;
and one day you will fly,
shed of the weight of sorrow;
honey, you’re gonna own the sky.

© Shreya ♥

P.S. My creation, please do not copy | Copyright © Protected | Image: Google

P.P.S. Work Of Fiction!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Making Memories

“We’ve been making memories like world is gonna fall apart. We nourish sadness as it is our religion. Love, is all we need. We all love to be lost where love is. But sometimes some things come in combination; love comes in a combination of pain. It is not love if it doesn’t hurt you. Madness acts as catalyst. Some things are mortal –love is fundamental of all. It is perpetual bliss, a blessing. What hurts and still feels good is a blessing. To be a part of limitless, intangible, abstract thing is to have something that will echo in eternity. To live is an art, not everyone can do it. Some people spend time making memories. To have courage to bleed for one without anything in return is like having Elixir. You can’t die. When I say you, it doesn’t mean the body –it’s the one in it. Live!”

















It has been hard to hide;
honey I know it hurts like hell,
feelings shine in your eyes like illuminate;
truth is she doesn’t and you badly fell.

It sends you shiver;
and could die for a hug,
you’ve come a long way now;
she has been like a drug.

You’ve started making memories;
‘cause reality is getting tough,
you’ve cursed your heart;
for her presence is not enough.

Oh! you sang to her;
on your chest she slept,
you’ve been losing sleep in tears;
countless times you must have wept.

Her absence kills you;
‘cause feelings never grow old,
You’ve been looking for warmth;
but baby she is cold.

You’ve started making memories;
‘cause you’ve loved and love in vain,
look what she has done now;
you’ll never be the same again.

© Shreya ♥

P.S. My creation, please do not copy | Copyright © Protected | Image: Google

P.P.S. Non-Fiction. Dedicated to a friend.