“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

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Sunday, April 28, 2013

The Epistle

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Well, people try to understand me and end up asking what the hell I want. Am I a riddle or a puzzle to be solved or an unproved theorem people try to prove? I mean, I am an optimist and moreover a realist. I don’t live in fool’s paradise pretending myself to be so optimistic. I have my share of fear and insecurities. I do feel bouts of loneliness, I do have setbacks. I don’t cry like other girls of my age, but that doesn't prove ‘am an ice queen. I have a huge heart that’s been broken couple of times and somehow I've assembled it to work.

I really don’t want anyone to care for me or fall for me, for I can’t return all that not even in installments. I just can’t afford that. I know love doesn't work on give and take policy; real love has no proposal, no rejection, no commitment and no promises. It is a complicated thing; I don’t wanna be a part of. It’s not my cup of tea, love and I just can’t stand in same room together. One has to leave; it just can’t happen to me. I don’t believe in relationships and marriages as of now.

I know I sound complicated to an extreme degree, well that’s more of me. I am no angel, am no sweet and I am not a fantasy girl –that people usually are fond of. I am nocturnal and suffer from insomnia. I am more of me, I get angry and I fight a lot, I break things, I get mood swings, I make mistakes hell lot of. I scream my voice out; I use all abusive words am aware of –as per my vocabulary. I like metal even heavy metal, death metal and gothic metal. Only music can control me and nothing else.

I am funny only if you can get the joke. Of course am normal, even a notch up. I am extraordinarily bad and ridiculously good. I am a tough combo of a kind. I wonder why two people can’t be just good friends, why one has to fall for other to complicate things. Damn! These expectations, they never end. It’s sick to lose a friend when you mean more than a friend to them. I just don’t wanna be there when it happens, just wanna cut it out. Phew! One thing is for sure, it’s good to be bad if it is for something good. –sounds complicated? Signing out.. may God bless y’all.. :)

P.S. A note to all those who claim that they've understood me. 

6 comments:

  1. Hey Shreya!

    The post was complicated and diplomatic. I understand your feelings, the same has happened to me but some how I'm out of it!
    At my end too, it happened because of my friends to whom I considered the best part of my life were there for just their own mean..I know that hurts a lot! Very deep!

    Love!! The best feeling when it happens and the worst one when it remains from one side only, when the person u love starts ignoring or staying away..
    That happens...

    I'd say.. you can love truly with just two-
    1. God
    2. Yourself
    :-)

    My best wishes!

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    Replies
    1. Hey, Thanks for the comment and wishes. The situation was just opposite ;)

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  2. Hello Shreya,

    I certainly won't fall into the cliché "I understand", because I can't, for a simple reason: I am not in your mind. So, I have no idea what you've been through, good or bad and everything in between.

    I have read hundreds of positive thinking books, and in the past year or so, I have looked into more "serious" books about mindfulness and other psychological approaches to try to figure out why my brain refuses to listen to logic.

    In the end, it looks like my Catholic faith will be the answer to those fears I've had all those decades.

    Enough about me. I will pray that the Lord helps you determine what's ahead of you.

    Philippe

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    Replies
    1. Hey Philippe,

      I agree with your comment, so true.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

      Delete
  3. if anyone who can understand you is YOU

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, nobody understands you better than you. :)

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