“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

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Sunday, April 28, 2013

The Epistle

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Well, people try to understand me and end up asking what the hell I want. Am I a riddle or a puzzle to be solved or an unproved theorem people try to prove? I mean, I am an optimist and moreover a realist. I don’t live in fool’s paradise pretending myself to be so optimistic. I have my share of fear and insecurities. I do feel bouts of loneliness, I do have setbacks. I don’t cry like other girls of my age, but that doesn't prove ‘am an ice queen. I have a huge heart that’s been broken couple of times and somehow I've assembled it to work.

I really don’t want anyone to care for me or fall for me, for I can’t return all that not even in installments. I just can’t afford that. I know love doesn't work on give and take policy; real love has no proposal, no rejection, no commitment and no promises. It is a complicated thing; I don’t wanna be a part of. It’s not my cup of tea, love and I just can’t stand in same room together. One has to leave; it just can’t happen to me. I don’t believe in relationships and marriages as of now.

I know I sound complicated to an extreme degree, well that’s more of me. I am no angel, am no sweet and I am not a fantasy girl –that people usually are fond of. I am nocturnal and suffer from insomnia. I am more of me, I get angry and I fight a lot, I break things, I get mood swings, I make mistakes hell lot of. I scream my voice out; I use all abusive words am aware of –as per my vocabulary. I like metal even heavy metal, death metal and gothic metal. Only music can control me and nothing else.

I am funny only if you can get the joke. Of course am normal, even a notch up. I am extraordinarily bad and ridiculously good. I am a tough combo of a kind. I wonder why two people can’t be just good friends, why one has to fall for other to complicate things. Damn! These expectations, they never end. It’s sick to lose a friend when you mean more than a friend to them. I just don’t wanna be there when it happens, just wanna cut it out. Phew! One thing is for sure, it’s good to be bad if it is for something good. –sounds complicated? Signing out.. may God bless y’all.. :)

P.S. A note to all those who claim that they've understood me. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Hollow Spot

If you ever wanna know;
how it feels to miss somebody so close,
I will sing you this song;
and ask you to walk in my shoes.

I dunno  how, but it’s true that;
deep in my core you occupy a space,
you might not know but;
there is nobody who can replace.

You are an ache deep inside;
that lies in the middle of my heart.
it grows bigger and bigger;
like a scary hollow spot.

Everything is almost fine;
but there is a silence around;
I guess it is supposed to be there
and echoes so loud.

There is a vacuum down here;
which you haunt into,
and it scares the hell outta me;
do you feel the same I do?

You are an ache deep inside;
that divides my heart
it grows bigger and bigger;
like a scary hollow spot.

~Shreya ♥
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Facebook

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Ricocheting Between Mood Swings

Hey.. Peeps.. :| Mood swings makes you feel as sick as you feel when you long for something. Its like you know the solution but you are so helpless that you cannot initiate. And then there comes a time when you start liking it. There have been so many names you can label it as: Bipolar disorder, maniac depression and what not. Life do comes with all this shit. I won't believe if you'll say you've never ever felt the same. I have been reading about this shit called mood swings slash bipolar disorder slash maniac depression slash episodes of depression. Its sick and when I say sick it really is. 

You know it is really great to know that you are not the only one feeling all this, all this gives you hope.Well, one good thing about mood swing is: it gives you great ideas, it lands you in the realm of imagination beyond imagination and for a while you see this world as new place to start with. I know all this sounds weird but somewhere I can relate to all this. And I can say the 80% of the mood swings are brought up by memories that burns at the back of your mind. 

You travel the memory lane, get one segment of it -over think it and there you are surrounded by your not so appreciated friend: mood swing. What do I do when I get caught in it? Well, I do all the things I feel like doing at that time and it starts with: not listening to anybody, switching off my phone, deactivating my social networking profile(s), isolating myself, disconnecting myself with external world, long evening walk, no music, just thinking, writing and it kinda brings me back to normal. There have always been a person or people who can make-up your mood to a level and I always keep them away 'cause I would like that person to be me. I don't wanna ricochet between mood swings and a fantasy hope of having people who can bring me back. 

It is good to have somebody help you out when you are in such a phase but it becomes really pathetic to an extreme degree when that somebody is not available on time -you feel obsessed like a child needs blanket. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :) 

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Breaking The Habit

Hey.. Peeps.. :| I guess I know what my problem is? I expect too much, think too much and get myself in bad mood. As they say –there is always a song that defines you better, so currently “The Forgotten” ♫ ♪ by Greenday fits me. I can so relate with this, love Billie Joe Armstrong. Would like to go to his concert no matter what, and it is something in my to-do-list.

So I was talking about habit, yep! Well, to define a habit: “something that makes you feel good, no matter if it is good or bad and it takes too long to leave like unwanted guests”. “A routine that you follow, and to break it is like going against yourself like working against friction –you know it is not gonna work out but you work till it converts into momentum.”

Its 1:40 a.m. and am insomniac, talking this shit. I have a couple of bad habits, expecting too much more than it is required for example. Gotta leave this, it makes me feel sick. There is a lot in this world to set your heart on, why to set your heart on fleeting things –read somewhere, and it’s true. Well, I have hell lot of work. So many dreams, so many commitments (I made to myself). I know most of the times I talk stupid slash absurd slash meaningless slash shit.

So here I go, breaking my habit of being stupid. Gotta pull my socks up. I have always been in an on-off kinda relationship with a bitch called life. Gotta work it out. Signing out.. may God bless y’all.. :)

Monday, April 15, 2013

Back To My Cocoon

Hey.. Peeps.. :) I've gotta lot to tell, okay something to tell y’all. Um.. So finally my leaves got approved and ‘am going home in May. Yay!! Oh.. it rhymes, LOL. And am so happy, for 2 reasons: 1. It’s my Birthday and this time I’ll be home 2. I am gonna see my family after long time, after 9 months to be very precise. You must be wondering how somebody can be happy for 2 reasons at same time, well it works with me. *Shrug*

So, here I go shopping. Though I hate shopping, it sucks but when it comes to family it’s a clause that can be negotiable. Am confused what to get for them? Now begins my countdown, 26 days to go. Gawd! Anyways, a secret wish which will be no more secret after this post will be published: I wanna have shots of Vodka with my sister, and I know it’s not possible at home.

Or may be yes, you never know. My mum is cool, few times “please” with an innocent face and she’ll nod yes. She knows I drink out of the blues. And as per my resolution 2013: I quit drinking, but chuck it. I didn't said when it’s my B’day and when I am happy and when my sister is with me I won’t drink. So it would be a fair deal if I’ll go for it, right? No am not breaking my promise, it’s like I am keeping it on pause for some time –ROFL.

Now I agree with this Chinese proverb: “One joy scatters a hundred griefs.” Okay if not hundred then at least few. And I really wanted a break, so badly. I was homesick like a fat kid craves for chocolate. I never realized what’s home. Once I went outta my cocoon and learnt flying I came to know, what’s home. There is no place in this world that can compensate home. Life is like this: unpredictable, meaningless, but still a gift. Signing out.. may God bless y’all.. :)

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Mutual Addiction

You are no stranger to me;
for all the things we share,
all those moments of happiness;
and the deep breaths of despair.

Looks like I’ve strayed into a dream;
and I don’t wanna open my eyes,
wake me up when its real;
‘cause am done dealing with lies.

Too much of anything can make you sick;
and you've become my new obsession,
I wonder if it’s gonna end up like this;
or its gonna be a mutual addiction?

Feels like am lost in an empty hallway;
sometimes it scares the hell outta me,
when memories try to chase me from behind;
I run away to escape the agony.

With bloodshot eyes, I dare to see reality;
I know I’ve gotta fall till I bleed,
putting my fingers crossed;
I dare to walk this one way street.

So temme, are you gonna walk beside?
‘cause I guess you are the one,
is it my shadow who’s gotta replace you?
or its gonna be a mutual addiction?

~Shreya ♥
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Google

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Don't Say You’re Sorry

I had a world of my own;
and everything was almost fine,
then you came out of the blues;
and now am no more mine.

You told me you’re sick at home;
and I just came to see,
I caught you with her;
still you’re lying to me.

Am done with all your excuses;
it is not the first time you’ve done,
please don’t say you’re sorry;
don’t fool me ‘cause am not the one.
don’t say sorry if don’t mean it;
no matter what, this time I won’t believe it.

Why don’t you temme the truth;
why I have to be the last to know,
how many times I’ve gotta excuse you?
how many times I’ve gotta let it go?

When I call I find your number busy;
but you told me you are at work,
please don’t say you’re sorry;
for all the time you kept me in dark.
don’t say sorry if don’t mean it;
no matter what, this time I won’t believe it.

~Shreya ♥
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Google

Friday, April 5, 2013

Leave And Don't Look Back

It was Tuesday when we broke up;
and said goodbye in the pouring rain,
as per your last wish to me;
we promised we’ll never meet again.

Don’t wait till all my gut churns;
if you have to leave just leave,
I won’t ask you for reason;
‘cause that won’t make meaning, I believe.

Just leave and don’t look back;
we are just strangers now,
you became my habit;
I gotta get rid of, somehow.

You've stopped replying to my texts;
you don’t answer my calls,
it was always a waste of time;
like I was hitting my head against the wall(s).

Don’t worry ‘bout me;
I’ll manage without you,
hope you have a great life;
even if am not a part of it though.

Just leave and don’t look back;
we are just strangers now,
you became my habit;
I gotta get rid of, somehow.

 ~Shreya ♥
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Google