Woo Woo Mumbo Jumbo

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Life never fails to surprise me. Today I attended one of my best friend's marriage, till yesterday I wasn't sure about going. But I just wanted to see her how she looks like in wedding dress. As expected she was looking nice, though I told her "you are looking aunty", same to you -she replied (smiling & posing to camera). Ah.. what the hell is this (her remark, staring at my dress) -Just shut up and smile, cameras around (I roared).

Well she was not less than a celebrity today and we were like die hard fans waiting in an endless queue. I had a nice time over there. Life is not that bad, right? I love it when life gifts me such beautiful surprises out of the blues. :) It makes me feel like, am in a primary class and somebody had birthday today and I got chocolates. Remember those school days?? 

Yesterday night till 1:00 a.m. I and my roomies were discussing what I am wearing and all the boring stuff -all those earrings, hair-do and all. Few people advised me to be more girly they mean people who wear earrings and love make up are girls, well -is it? And finally they made a conclusion, that if a girl falls in love then she likes dressing up, make up and all. I donno. But I don't think I gotta fall in love for make up. Big deal.. huh?

I hope I satisfied their expectations today to look like a complete Indian girl, I guess many of them can die in peace now.. Lol!! Whatever, I am me and would like to be myself. All I try is that I should be right -if not all the time then at least most of the times. Be yourself, be comfortable -that's what I believe. I am not gonna change for a bunch of people who have no commitment to stay. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Intersecting Monologues

Hey.. Peeps.. :) How is life going? So when was the last time you met yourself, gazed outside the window, catch butterflies and birds, witnessed a shooting star, sunset, sunrise, counted stars and admired beauty of the moon? I can hear you saying long back. Find your long lost hope and be back to life.

Are you grumbling over the hectic tight schedule of your life? Are you blaming time for not being in your favor all the time? If yes, then you gotta take a break. Break from your work you do unwillingly, take a break for a while and be back with full throttle. It will make you feel great, imagine yourself doing whatever you wanna do. How much happy you could be with the real you, you gotta find. Think!

If you are in an on & off kinda relationship with a bitch called life, then probably you are not feeding the time to satisfy the hunger of your life. We all work like dogs, get lost in goddamn fleeting sick urban lifestyle and die as a victim of fanatic urban change.

No matter what we have, we always have complains and blames, but who is listening? even if somebody is there to listen then who cares? They listen and digest your crap like glutton. Again we are back alone, with same old complain -tired searching a solution. Robert Harold Schuller says: A problem is nothing but a decision to be made -so true.

Like many others same happens to me, I also get lost in the dark phases surrounded with tonnes of bad & scary feelings that try to push me to the ground. But I know I gotta go down to rise up. As they say, even the tallest tower rises from the ground. Be positive, be optimistic -that's what I keep on telling myself. These have always been my monologues and my dialogues to me. 

Life is bitch, but not that bad. If it was not bad then what we are here for? We are here to mend. I believe, one fine day I'll do something good that will satisfy my hunger to be happy -'cause am honest with my work and with my dreams. I believe I am alive 'cause I dream, the day I'll stop dreaming -do me a favor and bury me, 'cause I won't be alive anymore. People are scared to dream, 'cause they think what if it will break and fall into pieces, well I won't mind picking up the pieces and begin again. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Strings ♫ ♪

Hey.. Peeps.. :) All of the 6 strings of my guitar describes six voices of mine, EBGDAE is how it has been called. I can just lean my chest to the soundboard and strum the strings and the world disappears, and everything seems to be okay. 

Today, I got my first Spanish guitar -black, medium, Granada guitar.. ♫ ♪. So now I am gonna download the chord notes of my favorite song(s) and gonna play all day long. What my first song gonna be? 21 Guns -Greenday? Only Exception -Paramore? Ah.. there are so many, I donno ;) As if I am expert at Guitar. People say: dream big, I dreamt and slept. Lol.. ;) -PJ!! Okay, this is how my guitar exactly looks like. Nice, no? Of course it is, jealous? *tee hee*. I am just so happy. Yes I am.. :) \m/ 

Music was, is and will be my first love.. forever, no matter what. :) There has been time, when am damn busy with work, with so many things I just donno but I always make time for music. If I work or not, sleep or not but there is not a single day I haven't listened to music -happy, sad, hurt.. whatever, music was always there where no one else was. :)

My morning starts with alarm -alone in this bed is my alarm tone, I listen Opera music while having breakfast, and till I reach office I listen some kind of music. I leave office and music again, at room at least 2-3 songs are there that has conquered my mind for at least a weak, so it makes me dance, jump or at least shake me a bit. 

Night.. after prayer and before sleeping I use to listen R&B, soul, CCM, Country music. Sometimes Gothic & death metal also, otherwise metal stuff is for evening. :) ♫ ♪ Love music, life is beautiful else meaningless. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

I Gotta Depart

The echoes of silence around me;

and my hopeless mute scream,

am gazing outside the window;

and wishing if it could be my realm.

An empty chair next to me;

reminds me of my loneliness,

a corner table full of pills;

makes me feel of my weakness.

Here is my life, I gotta return;

so I gotta depart before my guts churn.

There is peace and white light,

now I can feel no pain;

I can’t feel if am alive or,

am gonna die again.

Here I lie warm in the deathbed;

holding the memories in my heart,

flashback and tears follow;

as I decide to depart.

Here is my life, I gotta return;

so I gotta depart before my guts churn.

~Shreya ♥

P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!

P.S.2. Copyright © Protected

P.P.S. Image: Google

Scribblings

Hey.. Peeps.. :) How is life going? Well not much new to tell about. Well yes, this week I bunked all guitar classes -reason I too donno -No, I love guitar, but I don't have time. I donno what the hell I keep on doing. So next week I gotta get nice lecture. I am ready, bring it on.

Yesterday, I got a green shirt for me. Yes I love shirts so much, I love cheques & pin lines. My colleague's marriage is coming on the wings of the wind along with same old trouble of mine -what I'll wear? Not yet decided. I guess I have not even decided whether am going or not. She will kill me if she will come to know. Shit! she reads my blog.

Today I came to know I got a handsome amount in my account -of course dad! No matter how much I insist not to credit a penny in my account -but my dad will do, a single time I tell him am homesick and its done -flight charges. Should I tell him business class, lol!

Tomorrow am gonna fight -why against my will it was done. It spoils me, I mean I buy unnecessary things that includes novels, download zillion songs till my balance goes negative, buy dress that I know I will never wear. Buy shoes -did I mention I love shoes? Well.. SHOES!! I know this is just so boring. But I just wanted to tell, so here is another boring post of mine -deal with it. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Stab Of Loneliness

Hey.. Peeps.. :) All great and precious things are lonely. - quoted John Steinbeck, well that's true. There had been times when all I felt was alone, ignored, unsatisfied and helpless. It was the same time when I got to know who are really with me. It was really disappointing to know that the people who pretended to be friends were fair weather cocks. The number of friends which was in 2 digits dropped to single digit, that's tragedy.

There has been so many things to do, to explore still we get time be lonely -sounds pathetic. If you'll burn your midnight oil to figure out the reason, you'll get lost in it. Imagine 4:00 a.m. in morning, sleeping city and you are awake gazing outside window -sleepless, turning out the pages of a novel and scary silence that you can hear the sound of turning pages, every tik of the clock, that reminds you of being alone. 

The air feels like stabbing to the core, music is the only companion that walks through and acts like bandage to your wounds, leaving behind the dark scars you wanna hide. Why is it, that every body wants some one else to divide loneliness. 

This week was boring, Diwali was boring. Missed home like hell. No Diwali gift, nothing new. Sometimes I think why did I came this far from home? Then a fleeting thought reminds me -I decided to be happy in all the conditions, I will never regret this life -What about these promises I made to myself? I can't cheat myself, no matter what. There has been so many things I gotta do, and I will do no matter if I have to do what I am scared of. 

At times, it gives me rough feeling, makes me feel like what the hell I've been doing. Look at the world outside, those people out there are happy and so you can be -I whisper to myself so many times. So many times I have woke up in morning feeling so so ugly about the way things are going, having negative feeling that I will never convert them to positive.

I feel like so complicated. I know I am not supposed to tell, but still I did. Though this blog is no more personal now, people whom I never wanted to read also read and that's pathetic. I just wish I had a secret blog, nobody ever known -except few selected friends of mine. But at times it feels great to read the comments when my fellow bloggers comment to support me. I have always been thankful. I guess I am not that bad at writing as I considered myself I am. Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. -Maya Angelou. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Diwali Blues

Hey.. Peeps.. :) So it was Diwali yesterday. Happy Diwali to all my Indian fellow bloggers. Well it was my first Diwali away from home and the most boring one. Yesterday was off, what I've done whole day -Skype with my family, T.V., Facebook, sleeping. In evening we prepared sweet -halwa and lighted candles. 

Every year, mom used to do everything for the festival. I am not even aware of the Aarti of Lord Ganesha & Goddess Lakshmi. But we decided some how we will do it -so we Googled the aarti and downloaded -Thanks Google :)

Yesterday, I missed my home a lot. Well I will not waste much space to explain how much I miss my home, my family. 10:00 p.m. we finished the pooja. Two roomies went to their home -lucky bitches. Today was office, and I felt like there was no Diwali this year. One day off and nothing new. 

I sometimes wake up in morning feeling so ugly -about the way everything is going, though I love my job. It sucks me and I hate it. Such a morning was today's -boring, ugly and lazy like Monday mornings. Its getting cold in Bangalore -I guess I've caught cold. I was home early today and back to loneliness, how much boring it is to have dinner & breakfast alone -I can't explain. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Social Wallflower

I was a child when I was afraid of dark;

and the shadows around that I see,

but there was always an angel around;

who was there to take care of me.

I’ve grown up and so has become the shadow;

and the fear still resides where it used to be,

with a silent scream and whispered voice.

it echoes aloud inside me.

Every minute drags like an hour;

and I feel like a social wallflower.

Nobody can hear the scream;

they’ve got the scream of their own,

it reaches to my core, I can hear it;

but no one is there to hear mine –so alone.

I had a world of my own;

but it seems to be left behind,

I see it in the rear mirror till it disappears;

with the memories at the back of my mind.

Every minute drags to be like an hour;

and I feel like a social wallflower.

~Shreya ♥

P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!

P.S.2. Copyright © Protected

P.P.S. Image: Google

Other Edge Of Time

My memories in your heart;

and your raining eyes,

you kept waiting for me but;

all I gave you was excuses and lies.

You came driving to my house;

and got me roses but I,

didn’t answer your call and;

you left the roses to die.

But things have changed now;

am at your place and you’re at mine,

you’ve moved on with her and;

I’ve realized it, on the other edge of time.

Morning you woke up to my missed calls;

my unread texts that you marked delete,

I mailed you; you blocked me;

and it all went on repeat.

Temme what I’ve gotta do;

I’ll get you roses in the middle of night,

and you don’t answer my call;

now  lets end up this fight.

Oh! I know things will change;

I’ll be at your place and you’ll be at mine,

but I’ll still be right there for you;

you’ll realize it, on the other edge of time.

~Shreya ♥

P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!

P.S.2. Copyright © Protected

P.P.S. Image: Google

Two Moons

‘Am gonna drive long tonight;

to a place where I am alone,

I’ll play gothic metal loud;

and turn off my phone.

The rear mirror view shows me traffic;

 gonna drive till it disappears away,

till the city sleeps and lights go dim;

and buy a bottle of whisky on the way.

 So don’t call me and don’t ask me why;

gonna drink till I see two moons in the sky.

Its an awesome weather now;

just wish if it could rain,

so that I can pretend I am crying;

and I cry till my tears drain.

Music is set on loop;

crowd is disappearing in rear mirror,

I guess am close to my destination;

where I could scream and no one to bother.

So don’t call me and don’t ask me why;

gonna drink till I see two moons in the sky.

~Shreya ♥

P.S.1. Mycreation, please do not copy!!

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P.P.S. Image: Google

One Bullet

Who I am so that people will care;

about me and love me in return,

I gotta buy a kerosene can;

pour it all around, let the memories burn.

It crosses my heart all the time;

I shouldn’t breathe it anymore,

there is too much to complain about

but who’s got time to hear to my core.

I gotta buy a gun, or rent it for a day;

and shoot one bullet to my heart,

just one bullet, just one bullet;

and I’ll rest in peace as I’ll depart.

Why does it bother me;

let them do whatever they wanna do,

I must leave them on their own;

and live mine too.

Gotta know who’s gonna miss me;

If no one, whom I’ve to blame,

I call it life and try to live it;

they keep on playing and call it a game.

I gotta buy a gun, or rent it for a day;

and shoot one bullet to my heart,

just one bullet, just one bullet;

and I’ll rest in peace as I’ll depart.

~Shreya ♥

P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!

P.S.2. Copyright © Protected

P.P.S. Image: Facebook

Random Babbles

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Yesterday was off and another session of my guitar classes. It was raining still I went to guitar class. No doubt, I love guitar and I wanna play without looking at the strings like Orianthi & Billie Joe Armstrong does. Well today I missed my classes, reason I just wanted to go to a mall.. what a reason. I know I deserve a kick for this. I am thinking an excuse, that I gotta explain to the teacher. Gawd! What the hell I want?

I gotta buy a guitar, probably next week. Yes my first Spanish guitar. \m/ Well this month I have spent a lot. No savings. Guitar classes -fees, my pending treat to my roomies, vodka, and what not. Still am planning to buy DSLR this month, but still Diwali gift for my family is my first priority. But the problem is how will I send them gifts? I am not going home this Diwali -my first Diwali without family and I guess that's why I don't feel like Diwali is next week. I don't even know what I am gonna do this Diwali? Poor me. :(

Well.. I just wish I could fly to my home and celebrate. But leaves?? I can't buy leaves. Even if I'll get leaves I won't go in between. Twice in a week I check flight tickets when I feel homesick, due to festive season rates are high. 20,000/- round trip. I mean, for 4-5 days I gotta spend 20,000/-?? Not now. I have other priorities as well. I wish I had more time. I just donno know where all my time goes. I am so damn busy, that I have to change my plans for something new. 

Weekends also are booked for laundry and so many things. Weekdays, forget for any other thing. I just wish I could take a month off like my lucky roomies. Do I sound jealous? Of course I am. He who' not busy being born is busy dying. -quoted Bob Dylan. Yea! I gotta wake up early, 'cause I just forgot the morning beauty. I guess if I'll wake up half an hour early and go for walk I'll feel better. I gotta try. Whataya say?? Lets see, if I'll wake up or snooze the alarm and curl back to laziness. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Pieces Of Me

Going back to the time when I was five;

happy in the world of my own,

I was moms’s doll and dad’s princess;

had a sweet home in a small town.

Tearing pages for paper planes;

making paper boats for the rain,

that’s where my heaven was;

can I get those days back again.

I have grown big now, came far away;

and left my home behind,

gotta go back in time when I was a child;

all these are pieces of me, I gotta find.

Wanna go back to the time when dad;

bought me my favourite toys;

and took me to the festive fairs,

I wanna live again all those days.

My white teddy is lying in a corner;

turned pale and covered with dust,

I don’t have time to play with it;

all my toys got old and turned to rust.

Time sweeps as the pendulum swings;

it got me so big that I,

can’t live my childhood again;

all these are pieces of me, I pick and sigh.

~Shreya ♥

P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!

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P.P.S. Image: Google