“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

Random Posts

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Enigma Overshadowed

Hey.. Peeps.. :) This week has a good beginning. Yesterday I came to know that my candidate is selected. We recruiters celebrate new joining. :) I hate Monday(s), but it was a Monday that brought me this good news. I had a mindset that: Monday(s) are bad and nothing good can happen on Monday, but life has proved me wrong and this time being wrong felt so great. *yay* 


I am keeping my fingers crossed till my candidate joins for my client. Umm.. Yesterday when I reached my room, then nobody was there. I locked my room from inside, got myself on bed and jumped so many times. Yes! This is my common way to express happiness, when I have nobody to share with. Sounds crazy, right?? 


Hmm.. Yesterday was good, today is good then why the hell today am not happy? I am fed up of these sick mood swings. I am suffering from Insomnia, Mood-Swing, Nostalgia, Deja Vu and many more weird feelings are there in the list. I don't like being so whimsical. I feel like being captured by something so enigmatic. People wonder, what am I? I make them shrug their shoulders pouting out their lips, they label me sick. 

I just want this world to disappear for a while so that I can connect me with myself. I wish I could forget the target, dreams, aims, passion and the fanatic urban lifestyle and land myself in a realm where all I can feel is numb. I know, its sick. Few lines by William Wordsworth are flashing in my mind right now and these lines suit my current situation: 


I heard a thousand blended notes;
while in a grove I sat reclined,
in that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts;
bring sad thoughts to the mind.

I am happy actually, but I can't convince myself to be satisfied. Mood swings knock my door unannounced, unlike rains: they don't show signs of their arrival. I've to welcome them like un-welcomed guests. But I've decided to welcome them with same frequency as per my long kept promise to myself. I wish I could escape this sickness. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Shit Happens

Hey.. Peeps.. :)  I wonder why the hell shit happens with me? Here are few ultimate things happened and I was like: Oh Gawd!! You may find them funny, but once it got me on nerves.


Shit #1: (February 2012) I wanna see places like Pondicherry, Kerala, Mysore, Chennai. No, I donno who will guide me or how will I make all this? I donno anything, what I know is: I just wanna go. And from next month imma join guitar classes, yes! \m/ I just know that I have to learn guitar, nothing else matters (even if it adds another shit also). Gawd, my to-do list is keep going long and my ATM is showing me continuously decreasing figures, shit! Both (wishes & money) are indireclty proportional. Blergh!!



Shit #2: (February 2012) I was in a bus(I hate travelling in bus), when a guy walked towards me and said you have a good smile. I said: Oh really.. you donno, I am a brand ambassador of a toothpaste. He: Yeah?? I: Hell yeah.. my smile has sold million toothpastes. He was like ah.. you are kidding, I: who started? He: Oh.. its like that. I: Look Mr. I haven't smiled here in bus, so try these tricks on some bimbos, got it? He went back to his place. Gawd, why shit happens to me?


Shit #3: (December 2011) I was so damn bored, so my friend duplicate (we share same name so I call her duplicate) called me and asked me to go out somewhere and have a good time. I got ready and drove to her place. We decided to walk. I saw a bakery shop and stood there blankly. I donno what the hell was that, she was screaming and calling me, and then she twisted my arm and dragged me back, whispering in my ear: lets go.. everybody is staring, have you lost it? After that we broke into devil laugh.. Omigod! we were like crazy nuts. 


Shit #4: (November 2011) I had an insect bite on my neck, and it resembled with.. hell yes! You people got it? Smart, lol!! I mentioned it in my post Embarrassing Moments (click here). Only I know how it was, how it feels like when all the eyes are on you and you feel like so f****** awkward.


Shit #5: (September 2011) I was playing badminton, and while making a return I slipped and got my right elbow bleeding. Oh it was so embarrassing not because I fell but because it was a park and everybody was staring; shit! But that doesn't mean I'll give up playing badminton, c'mon its not a reason enough to leave it. Its my favorite sport and I love it. :)


Shit #6: (May 2011) It was the last semester (8th) of my b.tech when I bunked so many lectures. I bunked 12 lectures and after that I kinda lost count. My H.O.D called me and I rejected his call. Next day he called me in his cabin, I was like: I am gonna lose my internal marks, now enjoy the meeting. He said, where were you? You attended only 2 lectures (I heard myself saying: yea; that too half-heartedly). I wished I'd tell him what the hell he teaches. In 7th semester, everyday he use to ask me questions and I had to explain on blackboard and I did. Hell!



Shit #7: (April 2011) I went out with my friend duplicate and we had an awesome evening, while we were returning few guys started looking lasciviously (we ignored), they commented so cheap and that was it. What's wrong with these guys? How they derive fun in such things? I told them how to sorry be. They better know how it was, they must be feeling like killing themselves for being there. People thereby were staring as if we are presenting some magic show. I hate it when people don't do anything. "This world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil but because of those who look on and do nothing." -quoted Albert Einstein (he was so right).


Shit #8: (January 2011) My PC was formated and I lost all my favorite songs, novels, movies, videos, wallpapers, images and what not. All I was left with was 3-4 songs of Justin Bieber. Shit! 3-4 songs; that too of Bieber? Better stop listening music. He sings plain crap. I can never go to his concert, I can only go if anybody lemme get a bottle of caustic acid to throw at him. Argh!! 


So.. it all happened and I still wonder how? Part of life, but when I look back into the flashback: I find myself kinda smiling over it, yeah! Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)


P.S. I am happy I am having insomnia, yeah it has a reason. And the reason is pretty good, its Chris Martin: Lead Vocalist of band Coldplay. I was reading about Chris Martin and found: "Martin often suffers from insomnia and has undergone sleep therapy. He has said in interviews that ideas for songs most often come to him at night." Check it here. Oh.. yes! my dopamine also works at night. *tee hee* :)

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Final Cut

You cut me to the core and,
I bleed, but I love the scars;
they remind me of you to adore and, 
I make wishes on shooting stars.


Oh! Am lost in you completely,
I won't regret if there is no tomorrow;
am just happy to have you around me,
and I can feel there is no sorrow.


I fall for you; donno how?
I feel smell of your perfume, it lingers;
and hope you feel the same now,
I close my eyes and cross my fingers.


Oh! I can't fall in love again, 
'cause I know its the final cut;
I hold your memories even in pain,
they make me feel keep going but;
you don't wanna understand, how can I explain?
baby I can't help it 'cause its the final cut.


I've caught myself smiling alone,
thinking of you and your voice;
I feel so good when you flash up on my phone,
Oh! I am left with no other choice.


When we laugh together,
everything seems to be alright;
I want you to be with me forever,
'cause you make my world so bright.


So I make a little prayer,
I hope my wishes will heal my heart;
and you will find me right there,
where I was; until the death do us part.


Oh! I can't fall in love again, 
'cause I know its the final cut;
I hold your memories even in pain,
they make me feel keep going but;
you don't wanna understand, how can I explain?
baby I can't help it 'cause its the final cut.


~Shreya ♥
P.S. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.P.S. Work Of Fiction!!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Midnight Blues

Hey.. Peeps.. :) So yesterday it was ticking 1:45 a.m. and I was still not sleepy. Gah! Its been four days I have not slept properly. Seems like inosmnia is having crush on me badly. I was lying putting my hands back-head; thinking about everything going on, everything I am doing, everything I wanna do. Staring at my room-mates, they were sleeping and snoring. Gawd, I wished I could sleep. 


I started satring at my phone every 10 minutes: no texts, no calls. Hell! Where all friends and bullets go whenever I need them the most? I started scrolling my phonebook, searching a single contact I can talk to. It was 2:15 a.m., too late to call. I played my playlist, George Strait's song The Breath You Take started playing. Oh.. I love this song. ♪♫


I was thinking about what to do? Blogging? Good idea but my internet was not working. Umm.. I can continue my novel writing.. yes! I ran to get my laptop and I get back to my bed, as then no new thoughts were coming. What can I do after writing 3 chapters? I am planning my story. Let it be. 


It was 2:53 a.m., shit! still whole night left to pass. I wish I had sleeping pills. So I started planning what I am going to wear tomorrow like dumbo bimbos, I never plan what I am wearing. I check my wardrobe and pick one dress. You'll find blue and gray collection. I love blue and I hate pink, for those who are shrugging their shoulder in wonder: Yes I hate pink. Okay, so this thing was also over. Now what to think about? 


The flashback started, all the good  time with my family and friends. I started sliding pictures on my phone. And every picture showed me recap of past episodes of my life. I hate it when I feel so insomniac and see people around me sleeping. So today I got few disprin tablets, I am gonna take 2 tablets if I won't feel sleepy today. Its been 4 days and I feel like going mad. 


Right now dad called me, and my room-mates played dirty songs on high volume and started saying: Shreya have your glass of vodka (just to make my mom-dad doubt me that I am in some club). Gawd, I wished I'd killed them.. Lol!! 


Daddy asked me where are you baby? I said I am in my room, and told him that my room-mates are teasing me. Now mom inquired me, where are you dear? I: Mom, am at my room. Mom: Okay I got it, enjoy!! I: Mom!! Am at my room really, you know I don't drink. Mom: I know, what.. I can't tease my daughter? I: Ofcourse you can, but stop teasing like this. Mom: Got a boyfriend? I: Yes!! Mom: Really? I: What.. I can't tease my mom? Mom & I: Laughed together. Omigod!! Somethings happen out of the blues. 


Oh.. its 12:35 a.m. People are planning to sleep, and I am not sleepy, I can relate myself with owls. Lol!! Office to room and room to office is my life these days but I manage to write, read, sing, dance, dream and what not. Currently playing: While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles.. awesome song.. \m/ Tryna sleep. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

I Feel So Blue

An empty space and unsaid words, 
I hold somewhere deep in my core;
I donno what has happened to me, 
'cause I was never like this before;

I see you laugh; I see you go,
and I feel myself so low; 
I donno how to say those words to you,  
I think of you and you've no clue; 
and all this makes me feel so blue,
but what to do, you donno somebody loves you.. oh no!

I write for you, I sing for you,
and the days are left so few;
oh boy temme what to do,
you don't wanna change your point of view.. oh no!
and I can't get my eyes off you,
you make me feel my world so new.

But I feel so blue;
so blue.. oh no!

You are someone that something can't replace,
you are the one whose memories ain't gonna erase;
I feel so blue and tears cover my face,
and I want you to come and embrace.

Oh.. I see you laugh; I see you go,
and I feel myself so low;
I donno how to say those words to you,  
I think of you and you've no clue;
and all this makes me feel so blue,
but what to do, you donno somebody loves you.. oh no!

I write for you, I sing for you,
and the days are left so few;
oh boy temme what to do,
you don't wanna change your point of view;
and I can't get my eyes off you,
you make me feel my world so new.

But I feel so blue; 
so blue.. oh no!

~Shreya ♥
P.S. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.P.S. Work Of Fiction, Written In Insomnia!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Where I Belong?

I am running for the rat race,
without knowing where this way goes;
every road brings me unexpected hurdles,
I fall and pick myself up with bleeding toes.

Oh! this journey seems never to end,
I feel tired but I fix my knees and run again;
people around me try to elbow me out,
I stumble and keep running in the pain.

I may be right, I may be wrong;
Oh Lord! Temme where I belong?

The road am running, leads to the crossroads,
and I donno which way to choose;
and imma find out where to step,
but I donno whether I’ll win or lose.

God knows where I’ll be reaching,
and I can feel myself wounded so deep;
but I still carry on, ‘cause I have no option,
I feel hurt and the pain keeps me away from sleep.

I am fragile and feel no more strong;
Oh Lord! Temme where I belong?

~Shreya ♥
P.S. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.P.S Today while attending a meeting in office I felt like: oh! Where I Belong? and I was inspired to write this poem. 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Rotten Roses

It was a tuesday night when you walked around me;
with a bunch of 22 roses, hiding at your back and I,
closed my eyes and  you went down on your knees;
you gave me roses and I heard myself sigh.

You walked me home, and I saved those roses;
whenever I look at them they remind me of you,
I wish you could come and I get those days back;
when we visited beautiful places and the sky so blue.

Those were the days when you wrote me beautiful proses;
now it crushes me whenever I see those rotten roses.

I remember the first song I wrote for you;
you played guitar for me and we sang together,
and I caught you staring at me for a while;
and then you started talking about the weather.

I haven’t seen you since God knows when;
you have got your own world and I haven’t got mine,
what about the promises that you made me;
all that dancing in the rain and visiting places in sunshine?

Those were the days when you wrote me beautiful proses;
now it crushes me whenever I see those rotten roses.

~Shreya ♥
P.S. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.P.S. Work Of Fiction!!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Nostalgia Knocks

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Yesterday my both room-mates left for their home, so am left completely alone. Imagine, weekend all alone? Ugh.. it sucks. Yesterday was half day in my office, and I was the only one in my PG (paying guest house) who had to go office on saturday. My room-mates used to sleep till 11 a.m. and I have to wake up at 7:30 a.m. and I am kinda jealous of them; why they don't have to go on saturdays.. Grr! Today is sunday, means "laundry day", Argh!! Tomorrow, monday- the day I hate most. Yea! 


Once I reach office, I dedicate myself to work; to what I am paid for. I love working, I can't sit doing nothing for even 10 minutes. When I go to office then my energy level is low, but when I return back then my energy level overflows.. Yeah! I walk fast, as if something is after me. Lol! Yes; the reason is to talk to my family after whole day, to see them on skype and have the best part of my day. Life's not that bad, right?


I talk to them, have my evening tea and tell them everything about my whole day (it includes what dress I wore or what was in lunch and breakfast and everything). I know its stupid but I love sharing all this. When I was at my home then I used to fight with my parents to buy me this and that and the list never ends. But now they ask me to get me all those stuffs and I say no, its okay. Mommy cried, she said aww.. my baby has grown big, and gave me so many flying kisses on skype. I was like.. Oh Gawd.. tears were covering my eyes. I miss those days when I used to play rock metal with my speakers on full volume and mom used to snarl at me like anything and still I never stopped my music.


But I am good at acting, I can make them feel I am okay. I am okay, actually. Yea.. :) I use to travel in past when I played pranks with my dad, when I used to select black cool shirts for him, when I made spikey hairstyles to him and he used to remove them and tried every makeover to him, when we watched cricket matches on telly and all that screaming for every sixes & fours and nail-biting ending, when we used to play chess and I used to win every time and when he used to scold me whenever I reach home late. These nostalgic episodes are set on loop in my mind, they play on and on. 


Mom is a typical Indian mom: honest, spiritual, loving, caring and friendly and strict when it comes to food and health. There is nothing about me that my mom don't know. She is a best cook and always ready to get me anything but puts conditions like: if you want this then score 70%, or you have to come to party/shopping with me (the thing I don't like) or you have to take a big bowl of soup every morning or it can be anything. But now no one is there who stands beside me with a bowl of soup or a big glass of milk, to wake me up when am late, to cook my favorite food, to ask me whether am hungry or want something, to oil my hairs, to tease me for every guy I know and to pat me when I sleep. I miss all this. I miss my sister: all those dirty talks, pranks, having maggi at 2 a.m., commenting each other on dressing sense and how we look like, teasing, and fighting for even a piece of bread, debating mom-dad loves me more not you, and clicking funny pictures and kinda black mailing. lol.. Shit! those days are gone.


Life is unexpected, I feel like going back to my place. The place where my heaven was, where I spent 22 years of my life, my place and my people. She told me your everything is as it was, my teddy, my novels, my study table, my dresses, my favorite songs and everything I used. But its okay, I have settled here, now I can pick myself up whenever I fall, I can see myself growing responsible. I can feel the change: in me, around me. "Falling is not that bad, for a while falling feels like flying.. ain't it??" I can enjoy that flight during fall, I have to. Nostalgia is something that keeps me alive, tells me I was in heaven and had best time, I feel blessed for what I am and I don't miss for what I don't possess 'cause I know imma make it someday. I don't regret for what I have been, and am leaving no stone unturned for every dream I have seen. I am okay and now there is no way to back off. Thank you Lord for always being my side. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Friday, February 10, 2012

Emptiness

I wake up in the morning with bloodshot eyes;
the Sun peeks inside my window and wakes me up,
birds sing dawn chorus  and trees dance for me;
and I gaze outside my window, holding a tea cup.

I take shower and get ready for work;
wearing fake expressions of satisfaction,
and walk the crowded roads, where I get lost;
and work whole day with speechless action(s).

There is a weird feeling that conquers my soul;
some call it peace; some call it emptiness,
I am still a slave of destiny and it rules me;
I feel  fragile when tossed between no and yes.

I walk back to home and emptiness waits for me;
I play my guitar and it listens silently; sitting around a corner,
I lay down in my boudoir and lost in imagery;
but emptiness awakens like a strict owner.

I feel insomniac, and emptiness runs me through;
I put my hands back-head and travel the paths of flashback,
when I used to be the owner of happiness and;
now it seems like those days won’t come back.

I twist and turn, and night passes by;
and I wake up with one-minus a day,
I feel handcuffed with laziness but I welcome my morning;
but emptiness still has so many reasons to stay.

~Shreya ♥
P.S. My creation, please do not copy!!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Its Okay Not To Be Okay

Hey.. Peeps.. :) When I was jobless then I used to think that "job" is the only missing part in the jigsaw puzzle of my life. But now it seems like it was not the "only" missing part, there are few more. I donno what. Um.. I am sort of happy for what I have got, for what I am and for what I do. But there is a thing called "but" which keeps on flashing in my mind. I donno why I am left with but(s) and if(s). But I know its okay not to be okay. 

Um.. I know we all feel like this, somewhat weird. I am a fun loving person, people around me find me funny and they ask me where I get my PJs from? But at times I go through some enigmatic sadness, and I don't like to talk to anybody, I just switch off my phone, deactivate my facebook account and stop greeting people and then I love to be isolated. I know its weird, but its the time when I can write best lines. And at that time I am "me".

Count Those Fakes:  Now if am not feeling well then also I have to speak with same frequency, if am calling a candidate then I must sound good. At 8 o'clock in evening mom-dad call me and this is the time I wait for whole day to come. So I have to sound okay to them as well. Life's like this, sometimes being fake is good. Am happy but I donno what the hell I want? I am optimistic, my Lord has gifted me loads of optimism but still sometimes I think like pessimist obnoxiously. Gah! 

But above all these thoughts, a fleeting thought comes saying: "its okay not to be okay" and I feel okay again. I wonder what am gonna be? I feel like so.. so.. so.. stupid for having so many weird feelings. All this happens out of the blues. I know this post is damn boring, please bear with me. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Monday, February 6, 2012

Virtus Post Nummos

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Got my “First Salary” *Yay* \m/ Um.. today I checked my account and it was credited.  If I’d got the “pay slip” then I’d photocopied it and pasted it in my diary and may be tagged it on facebook, yea.. don’t wonder I am stupid, I know.. Lol!!

Well lemme tell you “Virtus Post Nummos” means "money comes first". Hmm.. I just received a call from my friend and she named me few things I have to give her from my first salary, and sister's call was on waiting.. lol. She must be preparing a list, I guess. Am saving money, I walk to my office and no chocolates, no ice-creams. I can spend thousands on these. Now I realize how much my parents love me, they gave me everything I pointed my finger at. Aww.. I miss them. 

And yea yesterday I got my laptop so now regular blogging, downloading songs from my favorite bands, novel writing and what not. Today after coming from office first thing I did was opened the lock of my room, second thing I did was switched on light and fan and third thing I did was turned on my laptop. :) And now am blogging and playing coldplay songs ♫ ♪ \m/

And one thing I wanna confess: I am not good at my work, yea. No, new comer or fresher is no excuse. Losers always have excuses. Its always a game me vs myself. People around me work double of me. Oh why am I comparing? But its true, I have to improve my skills. I know am dumbo but I also know I can work smart. 

Yesterday I did video chatting with my sister on skype, mom-dad were around. Okay, now daddy is calling. Gotta go now. Thank you Lord for everything, I owe you everything I have. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Sands Of Time

Life is fleeting so fast; a year seems to be a minute,
I travel the paths of my dreams with handful of hope;
Oh this journey seems never to end,
like am lost in the labyrinth and there is no way to lope.

All I can feel is numb; as if life & death became friends,
I am confused whom to prefer, for am somewhere in the middle;
days & night pass on but am here with no where to go,
seems like am never gonna unfold this riddle.

As the pendulum swings; it takes me to the dark paths but divine,
Oh am trying to crawl back to life with the sands of time.

I wish I could hold the pendulum and never let it swing,
but the time passes by and I begin the countdown;
I donno what is gonna happen; cause
this is the untrodden path we have to travel on and on.

We born, live and die just for a shroud?
or for two meters of coffin to cover us?
We come and depart with no hope of coming back
seems like we the puppets of skin are things.

As the pendulum swings; it takes me to the dark paths but divine,
Oh am trying to crawl back to life with the sands of time.

~Shreya 
P.S. My creation, please do not copy!!