There has been so many things to do, to explore still we get time be lonely -sounds pathetic. If you'll burn your midnight oil to figure out the reason, you'll get lost in it. Imagine 4:00 a.m. in morning, sleeping city and you are awake gazing outside window -sleepless, turning out the pages of a novel and scary silence that you can hear the sound of turning pages, every tik of the clock, that reminds you of being alone.
The air feels like stabbing to the core, music is the only companion that walks through and acts like bandage to your wounds, leaving behind the dark scars you wanna hide. Why is it, that every body wants some one else to divide loneliness.
This week was boring, Diwali was boring. Missed home like hell. No Diwali gift, nothing new. Sometimes I think why did I came this far from home? Then a fleeting thought reminds me -I decided to be happy in all the conditions, I will never regret this life -What about these promises I made to myself? I can't cheat myself, no matter what. There has been so many things I gotta do, and I will do no matter if I have to do what I am scared of.
At times, it gives me rough feeling, makes me feel like what the hell I've been doing. Look at the world outside, those people out there are happy and so you can be -I whisper to myself so many times. So many times I have woke up in morning feeling so so ugly about the way things are going, having negative feeling that I will never convert them to positive.
I feel like so complicated. I know I am not supposed to tell, but still I did. Though this blog is no more personal now, people whom I never wanted to read also read and that's pathetic. I just wish I had a secret blog, nobody ever known -except few selected friends of mine. But at times it feels great to read the comments when my fellow bloggers comment to support me. I have always been thankful. I guess I am not that bad at writing as I considered myself I am. Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. -Maya Angelou. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)