“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.” –Alberto Manguel

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Monday, December 31, 2012

Flashback & Future

Hey Peeps.. :) Wishing all my fellow bloggers and readers a very Happy New Year. So 2013 is coming on the wings of the wind and 2012 is just gonna say goodbye. Well here are the majors of my life in 2012:

1. Left home for job, came to Bangalore in January. Job: January to March was nice, April to December was boring still I love my job. I love what I do.

2. My passion for music grew much stronger, joined guitar classes. Finally I own a Spanish Guitar.

3. Lost few of my very regular readers. My English, my accents, my idioms went from 8 to 6 out of 10. *Sad* 

4. Got total followers 160 after 18 left outs. Net additions: 26 this year. Low -as compared to 2011. What the hell I've done this year -Gawd knows.

5. Knew what my home actually meant to me. Missed my family like hell still no plans to go home.

Okay, here are some of my new year plans:

1. I'll treat idiots with much greater tolerance. 

2. I'll go for walk everyday (I know I won't but still I've planned -my alarm will snooze).

3. No sleeping pills this year, try to sleep naturally.

4. I waste food sometimes, so no food wastage. I gotta respect food. 

5. Music was my first love, is and always will be. Gotta write song(s). 

So these are kinda my resolutions this year. I'll be happy if I'll follow any 3 of these. Fireworks started around PG and yep, I've got cake and cold drink. So here I go, Mom dad are calling for new year wishes.. Woo Hoo.. \m/ Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Fleeting Happiness

Hey.. Peeps.. :) How many of you decide to do what makes you feel happy? and how many of you do the same? There has been a phase in every one's life when he is happy despite the traits: low> medium> high. Happiness means different to different people, different people search for different content in their happiness and people label their smile as happiness.

I believe, the true happiness is what stays even when your smile disappears. Its a feeling your core transmits to your lips that forms curve upright, people name it as smile. I have experienced happiness, I won't complain I didn't -though my hunger is not satisfied (well, whose is?). Humans are greedy creatures -they can survive without food, but the hunger for happiness kills them. The more you'll serve the more they'll ask for.


Nothing is permanent neither our happiness nor our sorrows, so our happiness also fleets fast -change is the only constant value by virtue of which we calculate our emotions and classify them as derivatives of 3 basic feelings: anger, sadness & happiness. A phrase I use to remind whenever I am low: "both shall pass" -It reciprocates my sadness. I never dare to recall it in happiness, it works as catalyst. 


A little pain, a little pleasure;
a little heaping up of treasure,
then no more gazing upon the Sun;
all things must end that have begun. 
-My all time favorite quote by John Payne, it inspires me to the core. 

Life is a balanced game, as far as my naive knowledge about life is concerned. Everything is balanced -sorrow> happiness> failure> success. Life is all about all these, if you've missed any of these -life is not yet complete. There is more to come, welcome it with open arms. Signing out, may God bless y'all.. :)

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas & Cricket

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Merry Christmas! Went to Church today, despite the fact that it was T20 match India Vs Pakistan. Had a nice dinner with roomies, lots of photographs and fun. I owe Lord everything I have. Nice day! Bad match, India lost. Such a nerve wracking match, jumped and screamed when Shoaib Malik was catch out -my scream converted into shit when it was announced no ball. Shit!


Merry Christmas!!
Okay, I am cool. No discussion about India Vs Pakistan match. We planned something else for Christmas and something else happened. None of my plans work the way I want them to work. Oh.. if you are tempted to ask why then in that case my answer is; I dunno, its just so irritating. I got it, I got it. I am not supposed to talk stupid. Ignore! Cut it out. ;)

Hmm.. So I have still not yet decided what am I gonna gift my sister on her this birthday. It is really so confusing to select a gift for somebody. I am really very bad at picking gifts, 'cause most of the time whatever I choose to give; people refuse to appreciate or they don't take it in the way I want them to take it as. 

There are very few people who appreciate whatever I choose for them and my sister is not among one of them, so it is a big problem to decide what to gift her. C'mon people, suggest me something to gift her. FYI: she hates novels, her choice for dresses is like pendulum -always swinging, she is moody -you can make her happy by serving a plate of maggi, and sometimes it can be difficult to convince her to be satisfied even with a princess cut diamond. Signing out.. I hope y'all will do this homework well.. ;) may God bless y'all.. :)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Who Is Calling?

Hey.. Peeps.. :) It was 7:30 p.m., two days back when I got a call from an unknown number. I was just reached my PG and I was unlocking the door carrying a bag and other stuff in one hand, supporting the phone from right shoulder. I received the call and found he is some stranger and a cheap flirt. I hate flirts. I replied wrong number and disconnected the call. 

He called again, I disconnected again. As I reach my PG I set my phone on ringing -as whole day I keep it on vibration, I hate phones ringing around in office all the time. Why people just don't keep it on vibration? Anyways, it kept on ringing and I kept on getting irritated. He called the ninth time and I gave him a super dose of abusive words -he deserved. (All that MF, D-Bag and all that I know as per my knowledge. Thanks Google.)

I had dinner and checked my mails and facebook, his number was still flashing on my phone and I was trying to ignore. What the hell he wants? and what the hell he thinks he can get over phone? I just can't tolerate these kinda a**holes. Mom called me, as she calls me daily. I received the call and didn't told all this shit to her, I thought I can handle this shit. I was wrong, this bastard was such a big a**hole.

Finally, he stopped calling for next 2 hours. I thought its okay, its over now. I went to sleep at 1:40 a.m. I was about to sleep and he called me again at 2:14 a.m. C'mon man, what is wrong with you -I screamed staring at the screen. I saved his number with name: "Fucktard". I thought, if he won't stop calling I'll tell his number to my dad and he will take care of this. I was irritated for 2 reasons: 1. Some bastard, fucktard is calling me out of the blues at 2:14 a.m. and 2. I am struggling to sleep. 

I was tired, and I donno when I slept. Again at 6:13 a.m. he started calling, and I was pissed off. He kept on calling me and I kept on disconnecting. I woke up before my alarm rang. Around 7:45 a.m. I messaged his number to my dad. I called dad and told him the whole thing and asked him to give him a super dose -which he deserves. 

Dad called him several time he didn't respond. Dad told me he is not responding my call, if he calls you again you just warn him that this should be his last call else you will inform police. I nodded my head in acceptance, I was getting late for office. Finally dad called me telling me that he spoke to him and warned him in his own way -he (fucktard) won't dare to message again, calling is not even possible. 

I wonder, I told that bastard the same thing my dad told. He didn't stop. My dad told him once and its done. I don't understand how these kinda bastards derive fun from such sick things? Especially if somebody is not entertaining that shit? People say to girls don't go out late night, why don't they just teach their sons some manners, etiquette and morals? Think!! Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :) 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Unlaid Plans

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Christmas is coming and yep, my naive plans are almost ready. Tomorrow I gotta go office and then 5 days off.. yay!! I feel like doing hokey pokey dance. There are few weird things going on, and I know they will try to make me feel down but as per my promise to myself I've decided to be happy and I gotta be happy in every damn condition. 

Insomnia again, this week a lot of work and still no sleep. I don't wanna go for sleeping pills, do't wanna be addicted to pills and damage my neuron transmitters. But if another two days I won't get proper sleep, either I'll go mad or I have to take a super dose of Disprin. 

Okay.. am cool, back to happiness. Hmm.. my sister's birthday is in January and I wanna gift her something good. So started savings, no movies no extras. Oh Shit, what about Christmas? Okay, fine after Christmas only savings: Mission sister, lol!!. I like saving and buying something for my family and friends and I hate the expression they give when they don't like the gift -for God's sake at least can't they pretend they liked? *Wink*

Oh yes! Today there was Christmas celebration in office, had a nice time. Oh! God, make me work better as every Christmas passes by. Life is not that bad. :) So its late now, and I gotta try sleeping. Here is my Ipod and here is my bed and here I am turning off my system. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Common Anecdotes

Hey.. Peeps.. :) "As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer" -Robert Quillen. Whoever we are, we have anecdotes -common, unique, fake, imaginary.. so many tags to categorize. I like to write about the common & simple things of my life, I love simple things. I usually don't like colors. 

Unlike many others, my job has become a biggest part of my life. I may make it sound hard to believe but, its true that I dream about my job, my work twice a week. If I gotta share my anecdotes, then it would include common things: dreams, job, passion, hobbies. I don't have interesting love stories to tell and sell and witness wow expressions.

Like other girls my wardrobe is not full of nail paints, foot wears, colorful scarfs and other stuff. I like to keep books, and I always manage space for my guitar and people always ask me about the things that don't interest me. People expect me to tell them the interesting anecdotes and make them come out of the room of monotony. 

Well, my anecdotes will always be simple and customized according to my wish 'cause this is the way I like them to be. If they are interested in some other kinda topic, they have all the rights to write their own. Don't try to edit mine, its kinda copyright protected and not on sale. 

I wish people to share their anecdotes in their original version, to summarize them and add fake effects will make if taste like distilled water diluting their personality. People are fond of hiding things, they manipulate truth coating it with lies. Don't scream your anecdotes out loud, it won't attract people to listen -be a writer of best one, and it will work. Signing out, may God bless y'all.. :)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Joker


























Here I am in patched colorful dress;
with a red round nose and a big painted smile,
flaunting my fake expressions and people laugh;
on my joke and the way I act for a while.

The world looks dangerous from the stage;
I carry the burden of the dunce cap,
nobody looks beyond the fakes;
I know I gotta smile even if I got a slap.

I am a joker, I make people laugh;
they pay me for what I make them feel,
and I get paid to hide my sorrows;
pretending I am on my way to heal.

I may have a funny face;
and I make others laugh so deep,
but nobody makes me laugh in return;
when I am hurt and secretly weep.

They come to see me make them laugh;
a ticket and few hours is all it costs,
I laugh even without any reason;
no matter if I am going through the worst odds.

I am a joker, I make people laugh;
the day I’ll tell them my sorrows they’ll leave,
this is how this world works;
so I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve(s).

~Shreya ♥
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Google

Friday, December 14, 2012

A Copy Of Fake

Hey.. Peeps.. :) "One may be clogged with honey and unable to rise and fly." -Elizabeth Gaskell. As I always say, I can never understand people. Their expression, what is real and what is fake. Sometimes I feel like surrounded with a bunch of fake people who pretend to be real but they are really fake. They pretend to be good and this is the only thing they can do. 

Shakespeare said: be innocent like flower, but be a serpent in it. I guess this is the equation most of us work on. Well, if you follow this -lemme tell y'all: This world worships original. Think!! So many times if I say something, they nod their heads in acceptance. C'mon man, stop pretending. Be a man and raise your hand to ask me to repeat again, else you can leave the room.

I hate people making me feel like they are getting every thing in their ole brains and indirectly giving me a sign -what the hell you are talking about. Well, I would like to tell them -I am talking the shit that your ole brain can't handle. They think they are playing safe, well I am no new comer. Bring it on! Strange thing about pretending is that: the pretender thinks he is successful in pretending; but actually apparently gets confused if others are pretending to be pretended.

I just wonder to an unbelievable limit, how people can be so fake. How can they be available in so many versions, and how I can figure out which is their real one. I would not like to include them in the category of humans, they are articles available in various flavors, colors, sizes, and prices that are meant to be flaunted -just pay and pick yours. If they think they have mastered all the skills of being fake, then why they don't get it that I am faking it too when they ask me to laugh on their fake jokes. 

Being a fake -may portray you a good person, for a while people may go crazy about you but actually you will be another copy of fake. Chatting with a fake ID is fine if you are introducing the real you, but I guess it won't be required then. You are not fake if you are pretending to answer a call when a three year old hands you a toy phone."My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them." -Mitch Hedberg. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Surprise

























It kills me to say but;
you are not the one I knew,
unlike my wishes;
I’ve seen a stranger in you.

You may not agree but;
in all the ways its true,
if you don’t believe me;
ask people, they’ll tell the same too.

I remember how you came into my life;
like a wonderful pleasant surprise,
I thought you are all I want;
this is how I made my world on fleeting lies.

How can I be a fool like this?
it is hard to believe you ain’t same,
I trusted you in thousand ways;
and you played it like a game.

Time passed by and I saw the real you;
you still don’t regret being wrong,
it bothers me every day;
so I gotta write you a sad song.

I am here with broken expectations;
hurt like a victim of fools’ paradise,
I bet I’ll be happy as I was;
and for you it will be a surprise.

~Shreya ♥
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Facebook

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Between Us

























Hey temme do you remember me;
how is your life been since am out,
do I cross your mind even for a while;
do you still care what love is all about.

I saw you today passing by;
you were busy laughing on phone,
I wanted to call you once but;
I thought the time has gone, long gone.

You have become a stranger in my life;
I just donno what went wrong,
there is nothing left between us;
still your memories cross my heart all day long.

You donno but I try to follow you;
no matter where you go I’ll be around,
I may pretend I don’t recognize you;
but I can find you even in the crowd.

If by chance, we can talk;
I’ll answer all your question you have,
and you gotta answer mine;
and decide if you still wanna leave.

I promise I won’t spill the beans;
I’ll pretend to be a stranger to you;
it will all be between us;
all your secrets old and new.

~Shreya
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Facebook

Friday, December 7, 2012

Bark On

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. -The Fray. December came, winters started. I miss the winter of North region. Did I mention I love winters, well winters are my favorite. Love it. Weather in Bangalore is good. :)

Hmm.. so its been around an year in Bangalore. If I look back into the past, I kinda find it hard to believe that how I managed to live without my family. This was me an year back who never wanted to go away from home. There is no place called home. Seems like I can live without anyone if I can live without my family. 

Life is moving on with its own speed, I am saving best memories. Living and learning. Trying to be a better person, trying to be happy and keep others happy. Wait.. I am happy (FYI). I must say I have been surrounded by varieties of people, they keep adding up new experiences. There have always been some bastards who have nothing to do except being Peeping Tom & back seat driver and pretending to be well wishers. 

Reminds of a song called fuckin' perfect from P!nk which goes like:
Done looking for the critics, 'cause they're everywhere;
they don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair,
exchange ourselves and we do it all the time;
why do we do that, why do I do that.. why do I do that??

I wanna tell people who point fingers on me, dude make sure that your hands are clean. Mind your own Goddamn life and don't fuckin' interfere in mine -'cause I won't stand with a caution seal flaunting some warning. I just can't figure out how people get time from their own life to judge others' life? Sick! I don't give a damn. So keep barking.

It becomes so irritating when they tell you what to do, forgetting their own duties. How do they face themselves? You surely remember your past when you rebuke me in honesty. -Toba Beta. Anyways, I am planning something nice for this Christmas. Not yet decided. Hope I will find some nice plans. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :) 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Black Lens

Hey.. Peeps.. :) "What I like about photographs is that they capture a moment that's gone forever, impossible to reproduce." -quoted Karl Lagerfeld. Since photography is my another interest so it keeps on making me click random things, no matter what. People may figure me out as crazy when I adjust my pixels on the road. 

Though I am naive at it but it is really something I love to do, my best photographs may still suck but I am not gonna give up. Best thing about a photograph is when you have a look at it, you come to know about the things you see still unknown. I believe Robert Frank when he says -"eye should learn to listen before it looks.". 

Here are few new random photographs I clicked:

The Shoe Lace
A Rainy Day (Glass Window View)
Rotten Rose
Novels -Nora Roberts
My Codes
My Facebook Timeline Cover -Rough Sketch
The Cross Key Ring
"The camera is an instrument that teaches people how to see without a camera." -said Dorothea Lange, and I am nodding my head in acceptance. How beautiful it is to capture a moment and write about it, how great it feels to be at the back of the black lens and see through it and crop the things you don't wanna see and zoom charge the things you love to be around. -Ain't it?? Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Click the picture to enlarge.
P.P.S. Copyright © Protected

Monday, December 3, 2012

You Are A Dream




















Waking up with your dreams;
makes me slip into your memories,
you conquer my mind and;
it chills me to the bone, I freeze.  

Donno when did you got all the rights;
to reach and open my heart,
boy you play with it and mess it up;
 I donno how to mend, temme where to start.

Your one thought is enough;
to drag me to wherever you are,
I may pretend I don’t know you;
but you are a dream, so far.

Every time you stare me and smile,
it makes me feel my world alright;
you are a song on my guitar;
that I like to play every night.

You are a tear in my eyes;
a whisper a smile and a sigh,
some how you complete me;
and I just can not deny.

Your one thought is enough;
to make a wish on the shooting star,
though it was not answered;
yeah you are a dream, so far.

~Shreya
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.S.3. Image: Facebook
P.P.S. Complete Fiction

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Being Thankful

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Its 2:20 a.m. in morning and am still not sleepy. Read few articles and logged in to blogger to post my thoughts and divide my loneliness. I feel sick when I don't feel sleepy. Its been 2 days I haven't got proper sleep, God knows what's going on. I won't regret this, anyways Roberta Flack's killing me softly is on loop, love this song.. ♫ ♪

It is sometimes scary to listen the echoes of silence all alone. Gazing outside the window (next to my bed), coconut trees are dancing as they are flirting with the moon -beautiful today and street lights are dim, cold breeze and I can hear the airplanes passing by that pretends to be shooting star. I have always been in love with nature, it inspires me and that's why I love William Wordsworth so much. His write ups means a lot to me.

I donno what I keep on thinking, some weird thoughts, some meaningless codes, some rhymes, some new idioms of my own, about my dreams, wishes and about people around me who mean a lot to me -may be they donno how much they mean to me and I won't tell 'cause I am afraid they would change. I admire them secretly more than they know I admire them. I wish it could be mutual. Well I know am not admirable, *sob sob* ;)

I know I have all the reasons to be happy: I've got a good family, few good friends of mine, I've got a guitar -as per my long well kept wish, I am learning good, doing good, I am thankful few good people came into my life who keep on inspiring me, I am also thankful for those who are jealous of me 'cause they kinda motivate me and remind me that I am better than them in some goddamn way. 

I have always been thankful to Lord for sending all these kinda people to me -to make me feel what actually world is. I trust whatever He does is for my happiness and I owe Him everything I have. Life is good, even if it feels bad. Its like medicine, it doesn't taste good but it heals. I may not pray someday but I wish I would never forget to thank Him for what He has given, even if he takes it away it would be a fair deal. Tryna sleep. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Woo Woo Mumbo Jumbo

Hey.. Peeps.. :) Life never fails to surprise me. Today I attended one of my best friend's marriage, till yesterday I wasn't sure about going. But I just wanted to see her how she looks like in wedding dress. As expected she was looking nice, though I told her "you are looking aunty", same to you -she replied (smiling & posing to camera). Ah.. what the hell is this (her remark, staring at my dress) -Just shut up and smile, cameras around (I roared).


Well she was not less than a celebrity today and we were like die hard fans waiting in an endless queue. I had a nice time over there. Life is not that bad, right? I love it when life gifts me such beautiful surprises out of the blues. :) It makes me feel like, am in a primary class and somebody had birthday today and I got chocolates. Remember those school days?? 

Yesterday night till 1:00 a.m. I and my roomies were discussing what I am wearing and all the boring stuff -all those earrings, hair-do and all. Few people advised me to be more girly they mean people who wear earrings and love make up are girls, well -is it? And finally they made a conclusion, that if a girl falls in love then she likes dressing up, make up and all. I donno. But I don't think I gotta fall in love for make up. Big deal.. huh?

I hope I satisfied their expectations today to look like a complete Indian girl, I guess many of them can die in peace now.. Lol!! Whatever, I am me and would like to be myself. All I try is that I should be right -if not all the time then at least most of the times. Be yourself, be comfortable -that's what I believe. I am not gonna change for a bunch of people who have no commitment to stay. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Intersecting Monologues

Hey.. Peeps.. :) How is life going? So when was the last time you met yourself, gazed outside the window, catch butterflies and birds, witnessed a shooting star, sunset, sunrise, counted stars and admired beauty of the moon? I can hear you saying long back. Find your long lost hope and be back to life.

Are you grumbling over the hectic tight schedule of your life? Are you blaming time for not being in your favor all the time? If yes, then you gotta take a break. Break from your work you do unwillingly, take a break for a while and be back with full throttle. It will make you feel great, imagine yourself doing whatever you wanna do. How much happy you could be with the real you, you gotta find. Think!

If you are in an on & off kinda relationship with a bitch called life, then probably you are not feeding the time to satisfy the hunger of your life. We all work like dogs, get lost in goddamn fleeting sick urban lifestyle and die as a victim of fanatic urban change.

No matter what we have, we always have complains and blames, but who is listening? even if somebody is there to listen then who cares? They listen and digest your crap like glutton. Again we are back alone, with same old complain -tired searching a solution. Robert Harold Schuller says: A problem is nothing but a decision to be made -so true.


Like many others same happens to me, I also get lost in the dark phases surrounded with tonnes of bad & scary feelings that try to push me to the ground. But I know I gotta go down to rise up. As they say, even the tallest tower rises from the ground. Be positive, be optimistic -that's what I keep on telling myself. These have always been my monologues and my dialogues to me. 

Life is bitch, but not that bad. If it was not bad then what we are here for? We are here to mend. I believe, one fine day I'll do something good that will satisfy my hunger to be happy -'cause am honest with my work and with my dreams. I believe I am alive 'cause I dream, the day I'll stop dreaming -do me a favor and bury me, 'cause I won't be alive anymore. People are scared to dream, 'cause they think what if it will break and fall into pieces, well I won't mind picking up the pieces and begin again. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Strings ♫ ♪

Hey.. Peeps.. :) All of the 6 strings of my guitar describes six voices of mine, EBGDAE is how it has been called. I can just lean my chest to the soundboard and strum the strings and the world disappears, and everything seems to be okay. 

Today, I got my first Spanish guitar -black, medium, Granada guitar.. ♫ ♪. So now I am gonna download the chord notes of my favorite song(s) and gonna play all day long. What my first song gonna be? 21 Guns -Greenday? Only Exception -Paramore? Ah.. there are so many, I donno ;) As if I am expert at Guitar. People say: dream big, I dreamt and slept. Lol.. ;) -PJ!! Okay, this is how my guitar exactly looks like. Nice, no? Of course it is, jealous? *tee hee*. I am just so happy. Yes I am.. :) \m/ 

Music was, is and will be my first love.. forever, no matter what. :) There has been time, when am damn busy with work, with so many things I just donno but I always make time for music. If I work or not, sleep or not but there is not a single day I haven't listened to music -happy, sad, hurt.. whatever, music was always there where no one else was. :)

My morning starts with alarm -alone in this bed is my alarm tone, I listen Opera music while having breakfast, and till I reach office I listen some kind of music. I leave office and music again, at room at least 2-3 songs are there that has conquered my mind for at least a weak, so it makes me dance, jump or at least shake me a bit. 

Night.. after prayer and before sleeping I use to listen R&B, soul, CCM, Country music. Sometimes Gothic & death metal also, otherwise metal stuff is for evening. :) ♫ ♪ Love music, life is beautiful else meaningless. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

I Gotta Depart



















The echoes of silence around me;
and my hopeless mute scream,
am gazing outside the window;
and wishing if it could be my realm.

An empty chair next to me;
reminds me of my loneliness,
a corner table full of pills;
makes me feel of my weakness.

Here is my life, I gotta return;
so I gotta depart before my guts churn.

There is peace and white light,
now I can feel no pain;
I can’t feel if am alive or,
am gonna die again.

Here I lie warm in the deathbed;
holding the memories in my heart,
flashback and tears follow;
as I decide to depart.

Here is my life, I gotta return;
so I gotta depart before my guts churn.

~Shreya
P.S.1. My creation, please do not copy!!
P.S.2. Copyright © Protected
P.P.S. Image: Google

Monday, November 19, 2012

Scribblings

Hey.. Peeps.. :) How is life going? Well not much new to tell about. Well yes, this week I bunked all guitar classes -reason I too donno -No, I love guitar, but I don't have time. I donno what the hell I keep on doing. So next week I gotta get nice lecture. I am ready, bring it on.

Yesterday, I got a green shirt for me. Yes I love shirts so much, I love cheques & pin lines. My colleague's marriage is coming on the wings of the wind along with same old trouble of mine -what I'll wear? Not yet decided. I guess I have not even decided whether am going or not. She will kill me if she will come to know. Shit! she reads my blog.

Today I came to know I got a handsome amount in my account -of course dad! No matter how much I insist not to credit a penny in my account -but my dad will do, a single time I tell him am homesick and its done -flight charges. Should I tell him business class, lol!

Tomorrow am gonna fight -why against my will it was done. It spoils me, I mean I buy unnecessary things that includes novels, download zillion songs till my balance goes negative, buy dress that I know I will never wear. Buy shoes -did I mention I love shoes? Well.. SHOES!! I know this is just so boring. But I just wanted to tell, so here is another boring post of mine -deal with it. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Friday, November 16, 2012

Stab Of Loneliness

Hey.. Peeps.. :) All great and precious things are lonely. - quoted John Steinbeck, well that's true. There had been times when all I felt was alone, ignored, unsatisfied and helpless. It was the same time when I got to know who are really with me. It was really disappointing to know that the people who pretended to be friends were fair weather cocks. The number of friends which was in 2 digits dropped to single digit, that's tragedy.

There has been so many things to do, to explore still we get time be lonely -sounds pathetic. If you'll burn your midnight oil to figure out the reason, you'll get lost in it. Imagine 4:00 a.m. in morning, sleeping city and you are awake gazing outside window -sleepless, turning out the pages of a novel and scary silence that you can hear the sound of turning pages, every tik of the clock, that reminds you of being alone. 

The air feels like stabbing to the core, music is the only companion that walks through and acts like bandage to your wounds, leaving behind the dark scars you wanna hide. Why is it, that every body wants some one else to divide loneliness. 

This week was boring, Diwali was boring. Missed home like hell. No Diwali gift, nothing new. Sometimes I think why did I came this far from home? Then a fleeting thought reminds me -I decided to be happy in all the conditions, I will never regret this life -What about these promises I made to myself? I can't cheat myself, no matter what. There has been so many things I gotta do, and I will do no matter if I have to do what I am scared of. 

At times, it gives me rough feeling, makes me feel like what the hell I've been doing. Look at the world outside, those people out there are happy and so you can be -I whisper to myself so many times. So many times I have woke up in morning feeling so so ugly about the way things are going, having negative feeling that I will never convert them to positive.

I feel like so complicated. I know I am not supposed to tell, but still I did. Though this blog is no more personal now, people whom I never wanted to read also read and that's pathetic. I just wish I had a secret blog, nobody ever known -except few selected friends of mine. But at times it feels great to read the comments when my fellow bloggers comment to support me. I have always been thankful. I guess I am not that bad at writing as I considered myself I am. Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. -Maya Angelou. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Diwali Blues

Hey.. Peeps.. :) So it was Diwali yesterday. Happy Diwali to all my Indian fellow bloggers. Well it was my first Diwali away from home and the most boring one. Yesterday was off, what I've done whole day -Skype with my family, T.V., Facebook, sleeping. In evening we prepared sweet -halwa and lighted candles. 

Every year, mom used to do everything for the festival. I am not even aware of the Aarti of Lord Ganesha & Goddess Lakshmi. But we decided some how we will do it -so we Googled the aarti and downloaded -Thanks Google :)

Yesterday, I missed my home a lot. Well I will not waste much space to explain how much I miss my home, my family. 10:00 p.m. we finished the pooja. Two roomies went to their home -lucky bitches. Today was office, and I felt like there was no Diwali this year. One day off and nothing new. 

I sometimes wake up in morning feeling so ugly -about the way everything is going, though I love my job. It sucks me and I hate it. Such a morning was today's -boring, ugly and lazy like Monday mornings. Its getting cold in Bangalore -I guess I've caught cold. I was home early today and back to loneliness, how much boring it is to have dinner & breakfast alone -I can't explain. Signing out.. may God bless y'all.. :)