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Thursday, May 5, 2011

Agony Of Being Me

Hello.. all, seeing new turn in my life.. this life has landed me into the world of dreams.. now I m on the road that I have to travel alone..

I m worried 'bout my future.. gonna be a future nomad.. I donno how will I prepare myself to step into the world I never wanna live in.. I donno how will I manage myself to accept the fake happiness, n I donno how long this fake happiness will last..

The trouble with me is the more I run to grab the stuffs I want the more they go away.. n now its making me feel like loser.. n keep on askin' me to give up.. there r the days when we feel like nothing.. n we can't figure out the reason behind it.. n it keeps on pinching us.. my heart pops out when I look at myself so broken sometimes.. 

I can see myself going so dumb.. why do changes happen.. why ain't somethings static, why do we propose n God dispose?? Sometimes I donno what I am.. sometimes I feel so rough inside.. n when I search for reason then I get myself so confused..

I know it does not matter for anybody for who I am.. all my friends who use to talk me, text me, chat me, call me today will forget me.. I bet!! n they will get busy with their respective dreams, responsibilities n life.. do they also feel the same as I do?? I donno.. if I'll ask 'em then they'll laught it off.. I know..

I know; no body's is interested in reading this blog of mine.. why do they read a crap like this?? But I write to express, no matter how boring it may seem.. I write to gain comfort I get after writing.. it may sound stupid I know.. 

Less than a month left n I'll depart from my graduation.. n I donno what m gonno do after that.. 'cuz whatever I wanna do seems stupid to my parents, n whatever they want me to do is not less than to die twice.. I must say doing b.tech was the biggest mistake I made.. I can't forget these 4 years that made me almost dead.. now I can't die for 2 more years doing masters.. 

It hurts when I turn back in past n see the episodes of my failure.. why do the worst things leave a scar?? I lost the best 4 years of my life in doing b.tech which was never my choice n option.. I spent 4 years in hope of job, n it yielded me nothing.. it left me broken, all I have r: allegations, frustrations, n a hope that may end anytime.. these 4 years might be more beautiful if I had denied to join engineering.. but then I was not aware of the consequences I m facing today..

Whom to blame for all these things?? sometimes I think its ok to lose 4 yeas doing b.tech 'cuz b.tech was my parent's dream.. but simultaneously a fleeting thought proves me wrong when I think what 'bout my dream?? Am tossed between these two things.. n I can't find a way.. I remember "Ricky Martin's" song "Private Emotion" which goes like:

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
And it shines on you baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me

All these r the things I am going through.. n I know its just a phase but its so dark n I can't find myself.. Help me lord to find my way.. may God bless all.. :)

1 comment:

  1. i must say u think u hve lost 4 yrs jst life is a long way n u can do wht ur heart says ..u can add koy to those 4 yrs even if u ll choose the option for urself no pressure no tnsn jst be urself n remmbr no one can find the way for u ...god bless


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